Every End is a New Beginning

Chapter 5: First time ive Cried

"Elvis Presley.... Well he was the king. I don't know how you don't know about him" carter said
"Well .. I don't know either" I smiled slightly.
"Wait! Am I the first person you've had a conversation with since Matthew died. And I'm really sorry about that. He probably was a good guy." Carter said
"It's alright." I shrugged. I kept on hearing a buzzing noise and it was the sound of my phone going off. I ignored it knowing that I would have to speak. It was my mom and I was guessing she wanted me home.
"Well my mom wants me back." I said getting up from my seat.
"Okay well same time tomorrow I guess.. But it will have to be at your house because my mom is having her friends over for a party." He answered. I nodded. Then I walked down stairs and out to my Chevy truck.
While I was driving I was thinking of how supportive carter is and he doesn't ask for the details. It was a nice vibe being around him. I think I can finally talk to someone about my feelings.
****
The next day carter was coming over. I took a look around my room and realized it was A MESS!! Over by my door had multiple plates of food that my mother had slid under my door for me.. Which I never touched. On my dresser was all of Matthews things that he wanted me to keep. (Well his mom said that I could keep them & he would probably be happy if I did.) On my bed was a month worth of laundry & another month all around my room. And everywhere there was trash from eating in my room.
I immediately went downstairs avoiding my mom and got trash bags and 2 laundry baskets. Then went upstairs and put all my clothes in the laundry baskets.. And put all the trash in the trash bags. Damn it was looking good already. You could see my white carpet again. Then I made my bed and made it look nice. I took all the dishes down stairs and emptied the un-touched food into the garbage. I went back upstairs and realized everything was clean except pictures everywhere of me and Matt and his stuff on my dresser. I didn't want to touch it. So I didn't. I sprayed nice smelling spray everywhere and lighted a candle. I've got to admit it's nice having a clean room. I put my lap top on my bed as well as my headphones-
*knock knock knock* That was him. I opened the door and there stood bright and smiling carter.
"Hey come on in, my bedrooms upstairs too." I led him to my room
"Damn it smells good in here." he said that sat down on my bed.
"Thanks.. I freshened it up a little." I told him. He got up from my bed and looked in my mirror.
"Who's this?" He pinched the corner of one of the photos.
"Take a wild guess." I said while running my hand through my hair.
"Matthew?" He guested.
"Ding ding ding." I said with no enthusiasm.
"Do you like them on your mirror still?" He asked with confusion.
"Not really.... I avoid that mirror every time I come in my room.." I clarified.
"Then why don't you just take them down..?" He still had the look of confusion.
"Well to be honest, they are just to hard for me to look at." I explained.
"Oh by that you mean every time you look at them you cry?" He questioned.
"No no no! I don't .. I haven't.. And I won't cry." I kinda interrupted him.
"Wait what? You haven't cried?" He asked
"No.. Is that a problem?" I answered with a question.
"Yeah I mean sometimes you need to cry and show emotion until it digs down into you and you eventually become crazy." He said concerned.
"Well I don't think I'm going to cry." I snapped.
"Have you ever seen the movie Inside Out? It's a perfect example. You need to let sadness take over sometimes and not just ignore the pain." He told me.
"I'm fine. I've been fine. I'm
Not sad anymore. And anyways are you some sort or councilor??" I snapped again.
"Emma. I'm sorry to say this but your not fine. You know your not fine when you haven't had a decent conversation in 3 months. And you shut everyone out. I think you haven't talked to anyone because your afraid-"
"Afraid of what?" I interrupted and snapped.
"Your afraid that if you talk to someone there gonna say something that reminds you of Matthew." He told me
"Not exactly. I don't want them to push me to get me to talk about my feelings." I said
"Why not? Because your afraid you will cry? Emma your not," he quoted "'too cool' to cry. And I think you haven't taken a look at these pictures because your afraid to cry again." He said
"No ." I snapped
"Yes." He said
"NO." I shouted
"Yes." He said
"IM AFRAID THAT IF I CRY I WILL NEVER STOP NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY!" I was yelling now.
"You will stop you just need too be strong." He said
"What if I'm not strong enough." I questioned with tears in my eyes waiting to stream out.
"You are. Come over here." I walked towards him. And sat down beside him by the mirror "take a close look at these pictures.. This is all the good times you've had with him" he said. I immediately took my hands and roughly took all the pictures down off of the Mirror and through them in the garbage.
"Woah woah woah why are you throwing those away?" He got up and took the pictures out of the trash and put them on top of my shelve. I got up and wiped all matts stuff off of my desk like a 'crazy person'. Then I sat down and looked up at carter and started to cry. He sat next to me a comforted me. "This is what you need. I promise you will feel better in the morning." He promised.
"I..I.. I just don't.. Understand why God would take him from... Me" I sniffled then started to cry harder.
"God needed him for something important Emma." He told me.
"What's more important than me." I looked up at him.
"Stubborn one aren't you?" He chuckled.
***
*CARTERS POV*
She started to cry. I was proud of her. I know we only just met but I felt like I could trust her and she could trust me. I sat down next to her to comfort her. I put my arm around her to make her feel wanted. Because i know she hasn't felt that way lately. She said a few things to me. Damn she was stubborn but when she looked up at me she had the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen. Later she fell asleep in my arms then I laid her on her bed gently.
"Goodnight sweet dreams." I said and walked out.
***
*EMMAS POV*
He's gone. He woke me up when he laid me on the bed. A few minutes later my mom came in checking on me. I looked over at her standing by my empty mirror. I could tell by her facial expression she was shocked.
"Empty isn't it." I sniffled.
"Oh yeah sorry honey go back to sle- wait have you been crying what's the matter honey?" She made her way over sitting on my bed next to me.
"Nothing mom I feel better now. I was crying about Matthew." I started to cry again.
"Awh honey it's okay babe." She gave me a huge hug and held me in her arms. Until I feel asleep for good.

***
This is my longest chapter yet! Sorry don't have time to edit again! Please tell me any thoughts about this thanks!