FLIP-SIDE

50

I suppose it was a beautiful thing we had, once upon a time.

I was magnetic, and you were depressed. I made you feel loved, I made you feel a little less lonely. But oh, don't think it was all a game. Yes, in a way it was. In a way, you meant nothing to me. But before you turn away and ignore this like you've ignored me for so long: I sacrificed for you. To make you feel loved and wanted, I let myself feel unloved and unwanted.

I did love you, once upon a time.

But I'm not sure what type of love it was, or how much of it I had to give. Honestly, I think I was more in love with myself than I was with you. I wanted a fantasy. I wanted my dreamy eyes to live a dreamy life. Instead, I found myself not in a dream, and not in a nightmare, no--I found myself utterly awake. That hurt the most.
But you can tell me all about hurt, can't you?

We were happy, you were happy, I was happy--once upon a time.

But maybe we never were really happy. Maybe we were pretending, because like children we thought that if we had enough faith it would be real. If we just believed, then our dreams would come true. Like children, we were too innocent to know any better. But we weren't children, we were "grown-ups". We were foolish and we should have known better. Hope is such an ugly thing, isn't it?