DOUBLE TAKE

Chapter 33

Callen sat in the chair opposite Nate in his office. The familiarity of the room came flooding back to Callen. But it didn't give him any sense of the calmness he needed to talk.

"You need a view or a painting in your office, Nate." He looked around the room. "At least repaint this room a calming colour."

Nate sat as he observed the seasoned agent before him. "Why do you say that, Callen? The colour in this room has never bothered you before. Why do you need this room calmer now?"

Callen licked his lips and gulped before he replied. His hands were tense on the armrests. "Because nothing that has happened to me recently has been anywhere near calming," he admitted to their Operations Psychologist. He knew the drill. Nate would sit patiently, while he waited for the field agents to talk. He knew soon or later, he would have to tell him what was on his mind.

"Would it help you if we were somewhere more calming, for you to talk?" Nate asked him. His voice remained quiet, as he spoke. "Would you like to go down to the beach?"

Callen nodded. "That would be better."

The two men stood and exited the room. Hetty looked up concerned they had finished so soon, but relaxed when she saw them leave the building together.

Nate drove them down to a quieter beach, where he knew Callen would feel more at ease. He parked the car and climbed out, as he waited for Callen to join him. He noticed how much slower he moved and frowned as he realised just how serious his injuries had been. Although he had read the medical file, it didn't hit him, until he saw him in person.

They walked to the end of the beach, where the rocks nestled against the cliff. Callen chose to sit as he was still weakened by his ordeal. Nate joined him, giving him a little space between them.

Callen watched the seagulls fly low over the water, hoping to spot a fish, before they dived in to catch it. He had always found the beach soothing. During his growing up years, he had sought the comfort it gave him. Ironically, it was the place he had lost his mother. But it was the memory of her laughter just before she was killed, that he hung on to. For some reason, although he had forgotten all about it until more recent years, his subconscious had remembered. It was the only explanation he had as to why the beach soothed him so much.

"I was really happy, Nate. Kensi and Nell's surprised me with Kevin and then my father showed up. It had filled that emptiness in here." He pointed to his heart. "Nell had slowly filled my heart already, but I was having trouble on how to take that step forward to ask her out. It had been killing me slowly, whenever I spent any time with her at work. So I booked my flight to Hawaii to get away from any place where I had a memory of her. Then she turned up on Detective Kelly's doorstep, and my heart swelled. She had flown over to be with me. I couldn't believe it. We were having the best holiday I could ever remember. Then I found Kensi and Kevin. Kensi and Nell had planned for us to meet. Everything went so well. My memories of my father came flooding back to me. It was in here all this time." Callen tapped his head. He had felt stupid when he realised he had memories of his father. How had he forgotten his family? First Amy, then his mother, and lastly his father. One by one, he remembered them all.

Callen stood as anger rippled through his body. "But then Kevin betrayed us. Used Kensi to get to me. Pretended to be my alias, Pierre, with Gabrielle and fathered two children with her. Then set us up to be killed in Prague by the Jankovics. He paid his own debt to them by selling me out, because of my family's blood feud with the Comescus. Like I had any choice in any of it, anyway. And what he did to Kensi..."

"None of it was your fault, Callen." Nate felt the need to tell Callen this. He could see he carried the guilt heavily on his shoulders. Always protecting his team, no matter what the costs. "You are not to be blamed for your brother's actions. You didn't know him very well, you had no idea who he really was. How do you think your father felt, when he found out what Kevin had become?" Nate had spoken to John Manning about Kevin and knew John was shocked and disgusted in his younger son's behaviour. He also knew John felt guilty for not taking his older children in after Clara had been killed. Nate was satisfied that John Manning would do everything he possibly could now, to ensure his older son was safe and happy.