*Formal Letter*
Dear Barbara,
I have decided to leave you and take two of the kids with me. I have decided to take Jimmy and Sebastian because they aren't little shits like the rest of them. I also took the mini van cause it drives better. I don't know if I'll ever be back, because I'm not sure if I left anything important. Break the news to "our" 12 other children harshly. They probably deserve it.
Sincerely,
Bob
*****
Dear Barbara,
Regarding why I left. Its because you are a cow, to put it bluntly. You know why you are a cow? 'cause you're a fat whore. This isn't even extreme, your doctor's file reads that you are a fat whore, with you being close to 1,000 pounds and having almost every std known to man. That is, for the most part, why I left.
Sincerely,
Bob
*****
Dear Barbara,
I'll be back on Saturday to get the rest of my clothes.
Sincerely,
Bob
*****
Dear Barbara,
Please stop trying to call me. Every time I DO pick it up, all I hear is either incoherent whale noises, or the little shits screaming at each other. So far Jimmy and Sebastian are rad as hell. Up north here, in Ohio, they are getting straight A's, they are excelling in sports, and have many friends. I think I may come back just to see what the little shits have done so far.
Sincerely,
Bob
P.S. I'm legally filing for divorce this weekend. See you in court, Cow.
