Behind The Computer

28

Three four-letter words

I've been love and like and lust a lot lately. The thoughts eat me up during the day. I keep wondering what it's like. What it's like to love someone. To be in love with someone. Not just to care about them a lot. To just to feel for them. But to actually be attracted to them whether it's appearance wise or because of their personality.

I know what it's like to like someone a lot. And then not know why you like them so much. But it's hard to give that up. To walk away without feeling the slightest bit angry, or sad. I know how that feels. I know how it feels for you to like someone so much that you're blinded from all of their bad qualities. I remember how people would always ask me why I like...likED my ex. I could never answer them. It's a lot harder to answer that question when you like them so much. You know why it was so hard for me to answer? Because no one else could relate to my feelings towards that specific person. I don't know anyone else who liked my ex. And I don't know if I will. But I know that I can't explain how much I truly like him.

I don't know what love is. I mean I do, when it comes to loving your family. But I haven't been in love yet. I'm sure it will happen soon. And when it does, I'm probably going to be scared out of my skin. I won't be prepared, I won't see it coming. I don't know if I ever truly loved my ex. But I know I was working towards it. It's sad because sometimes we know our bf/gf doesn't like/love you as much as you like/love them. And it's an unfair situation. But that's just how it works.

My cousin is in a relationship. I'm actually very happy for her. I just have funny ways of showing it. But anyway, I'm really happy for her. At points, I don't care that she's in a relationship (like it doesn't bother me), but I don't want her to get hurt again. I don't want her to get frustrated or irritated or anything. I know that love blinds people. But whether or not she loves him or the other way around, they better be happy. I don't want them to end up like me. I'm not trying to compare myself to her because this really isn't about me but I don't want her to be so caught up that she forgets to stand ground. Now, I'm sure that won't happen because I know my cousin very well. But I forgot to stand ground. Actually, I was afraid to. I guess that's what liking someone so much does to you.

Valentine's Day has just passed and everyone got a "paragraph" while my mom was my Valentine (not disappointed though...that is, until she became a trader and my dad was her Valentine but anyway). I'm happy for everyone that's in a relationship. I really am. I just want to understand how it feels when you have a good relationship.