Relapse to Instinct

chapter19

The ride home was silent. Neither of them was willing to speak, John angry at Jazz forwhat he said to Chris, and Jazz angry at theworld in general.

Who was Jen? Had Chris had a daughter before? He didn't really want to ask about it, but he felt that he needed to know the answers, and Jazz would (hopefully) give him honest ones.

So when he pulled in to the 'drive' outside Jazz's house, he kept the doors locked.

As though he could sense that he wasn't going to be able to leave yet, Jazz sat still, staring moodily out of the window.

When John spoke, his voice was quiet,"Who's Jen?"

This got a strangled noise from Jazz, who turned slowly to look at him.

"Jen, or Jennifer, was Chris's baby girl. Shegot lost in the woods two years ago... we never found her. She was only four, just a baby; four's such a crap number..." Jazz's voice was steadily getting thicker, but he carried on regardless, "It was February 2008, Chris had been kicked out of her home because she couldn't keep up with the rent, so they'd come to live with me. Not that it changed much, I mean, Chris had to work a lot just to keep food on the table for Jen, and I didn't work at that time 'cause Susie had left me quite a lot of money before she left, so they were at mine most of the time anyway. Then, one night, I'd persuaded Chris to go out and see some of her friends... said I'd keep an eye on Jen."

He broke off momentarily, swallowing and turning to look at John rather than the window.

"I...used to drink. A lot. That night was no different, and I was so fucking stupid. I fell asleep, but I'd forgotten to close Jen's bedroom door and lock up the house. She liked to look around, and the woods had always fascinated her, sometimes during thesummer, I'd take her for walks in there... She got out of the house and disappeared into the woods. Chris went frantic when shecame home, and we were both looking for months, but we never found her. Martin andKieran didn't want to help with the search, but eventually I thought 'why are they refusing to help? They know the woods better than anyone!' So I went to pay them a visit."

John frowned; he could only imagine how unhappy Jazz's father would have been at being searched.

"I - I found - I found bones, in the basement. Bones. Of course I jumped to conclusions, and we fought. Kieran and I, that is. The world would end before my father dirtied his hands with physical violence. Wasn't Jen though, thankfully, and I never told Chris about the bones, but we never found her, and Chris still blames me. I still blame me. It was my fault."

John swallowed past the lump that had developed in his own throat, slowly thinkingabout the conversation and watching Jazz, who was staring into John's eyes unblinkingly.

"You - you were pretty close to Jen." It was a statement, but he thought that he could now understand the animosity between them.Chris blamed Jazz for her daughter's death,and Jazz got mad at Chris for sleeping around? That was what he'd been speaking of outside the restaurant, and while he understood why this annoyed Jazz in theory,he couldn't imagine that it was something terribly important...

"She was my daughter."

...And suddenly it all became clear.

Shortly after his little admission about Jen, John had unlocked the doors and Jazz had disappeared inside, where John hadn't seen him since.

He was stood outside, back hunched away from the cold, biting wind as he wandered up and down the road, always keeping the house in sight though.

Pulling out the phone number from where he'd stuffed it into his pocket and his phonefrom the other, he considered calling Chris, wondering what Jazz would think.