Diary. I guess...

Watching (edited)

I think it was a couple of weeks into the 6th grade when I realized. I was never going to be in the spotlight. I was never going to be the one people saw. Because of that I started with two things. 

First: I stopped doing things for other people, I don't mean like stopped helping people, no, I mean like I wear whatever I want, I don't wear something special just to please someone else. 

Second: I started watching what other people did. Their body language, their facial expressions. Trying to figure out who they are, what they are thinking about. And it slowly overwhelmed me.

 That is a living breathing person. They think just as much as I do. They have problems. They have families. Friends. They have their own life.

  That I know nothing about.

It scares me. 

Before it had only been me. My life. Just me. But as said I realized that it wasn't about me. It never was. Will never be. It lies there in the back of my head. 

This still scares me. 

Still overwhelms me.

 And many of you reading this probably thinks it sounds stupid and childish, which it probably is. But for me to realize this was scary and that every single child is going to have to realize this.

was terrifying.

 For me to realize that I probably never will be a part of something big that can change the world and thousands of lives And that is all I have ever wanted to do. Helping people. Trough something I love to do.

Is terrifying.

2016-09-30