Blind Love

Blind Love 12

Blind Love

Ashley woke up Monday morning with a big smile on her face. This weekend had been great, and she was excited to start the day and see Brandon. They had been near inseparable, and she was ready to see the boy she is falling hopelessly for.

In the kitchen, Ashley grabs a quick bagel and yells goodbye to her mother. She was glad her mom was so accepting of her relationship with Brandon, though she doesn't know they're officially dating. It's nice not to get in trouble for staying out too late with him and falling asleep at his house.

Knocking on his front door, Ashley frowns. Usually Rachel is in a hurry and quick to get the door and rush out in the morning. Today, she waits silently on the porch. Finally deciding there is no one home, she digs out her cell phone and calls Brandon. It rings endlessly, leaving her frustrated. Scrolling further, she dials Rachel's number.

"Hello?" she picks up, sounding frantic.

"Rachel? I'd everything okay?" Ashley asks worriedly.

"Oh, Ashley, I don't know," Rachel starts to cry, sounding hopeless and exhausted. "I don't know...everything was fine..."

"Rachel, what happened? Are you okay?" Ashley is frantic now too. What could be causing her to feel so much grief? Her stomach drops and she feels sick at the possibilities.

"It's Brandon...he...he.." she sobs harder, losing control.

"Rachel, where are you? I can come help you. You sound like you need it. You can explain everything there," Ashley says, no longer caring about school. She just wants to know Rachel and Brandon are okay.

"I'm..at the hospital. In the main waiting room," she chokes out.

Ashley's heart picks up speed further as she says, "Okay, I'll meet you there. Just a few minutes."

They disconnect and Ashley runs to her car. She's speeding in seconds, racing down streets to hurry to the hospital. She doesn't know what happened, but it can't be good.

Running to the revolving hospital door after parking, Ashley scans the room looking for Rachel. She sees her in the corner with a tear streaked face looking broken. Rushing to her, she quickly pulls her into a hug.

"Rachel! What happened?" she demands.

Rachel breathes in deeply, more composed than she was on the phone. "Did Brandon ever tell you about his visits to the doctor, or medical things?"

Ashley furrows her brow in confusion. "Um, not really. He said he had to go last week to check up on things, and he was pretty hurt from the accident. That's about it."

Rachel pinches the bridge of her nose. "Ashley, since the accident, Brandon has suffered from depression. He's very negative and withdrawn, unlike his old self. It's been a struggle these past months, but once he met you he seemed to get over it. Things were better.."

"Then what's wrong?" Ashley asks frantically.

"Well, he's usually pretty stable. He visits a therapist and has medication. But sometimes, something triggers it. He gets reminded of the past and drowns in the pain and guilt. He even..." she cuts off as tears start rolling down her cheeks again.

"He what?" Ashley begs to know.

"He'll...he'll try to kill himself. It happened several times right after the accident. He'd take too many pills or try to harm himself. It hasn't happened on so long...he was doing so much better..."

Ashley is now shaking with the tears pouring down her face. She knew Brandon was hurt deeply, but she never imagined he'd try to take his own life. What if he succeeded? What if...

"Wait, is he okay? You never said what happened today," Ashley demands. Her heart is in danger or crumbling, she can already feel it cracking.

"He overdosed on his medication. I came in his room this morning and he was passed out on the floor. Everything was a mess, he must have been angry. The bottle was empty, and he was barely breathing. They pumped his stomach, now I'm waiting to hear from the doctors," she cries out.

"Why? Why would he have done this?" Ashley sobs. The sobs wrack her body and she is unable to stop.

"Oh, honey, it's going to be okay. He'll get better, we just have to get through this," Rachel tries to comfort her while pulling her in a hug and rubbing her back.

***

Soon, the doctor comes to let Rachel back, leaving Ashley alone. She wipes her eyes of the tears that are finally slowing down. Her good morning has turned into the worst day of her life.

Rachel comes back not long later looking no happier than before. She's still shaken, and Ashley worried to know what's still upsetting her.

"How is he? Is he back to normal?" Ashley asks as soon as Rachel get to her.

Rachel sighs heavily and runs her hand through her hair. "No. He looks better, but he isn't himself again. He was angry at me for saving him. He-"

"Can I see him?" Ashley asks desperately.

"I don't know..." Rachel ponders. "He's in a dark place right now, and you might be hurt. But you also might help him get better. You seem to have a positive affect on everyone."

"I want to see him. I can't stand not knowing if he's really okay," Ashley begs.

"Okay. But don't be hurt by what he's done. It wasn't your fault. He cares about you," Rachel promises.

"Thanks. I'm going to see him," Ashley manages a smile.

Walking to his room, Ashley feels worry and guilt and pain swirling in her stomach. Brandon's been through so much, but handles it by hurting himself. She has to help him heal for good.

After a quick knock, she opens the door. What she sees before her tears her apart-gone is the seemingly happy boy she left, replaced by an angry looking soul. He looks more like he did when she first met him-sad, angry, alone-just intensified. Whatever internal struggles he's gone through have surfaced.

"I said I want to be alone!" he yells toward the door.

Ashley winces but takes a step closer. "Brandon? It's me," she says timidly.

She sees his face change for a second, just to be replaced by the bitter mask. "Go away. I need to be alone."

"Brandon, no. I can help you. I-" she tries to tell him but he cuts her off.

"No! I don't need anyone to help me, or fix me! I need to be alone!" he shouts.

Ashley winces again, but keeps trying. "Brandon, try to listen to me. I care about you, so I have to help you. We can get through this together."

"No. I can't depend on anymore people. I'm sorry, Ashley. I tried to be better for you, but it just didn't work. I'm better off alone," he tries to rationalize his thoughts.

"But, it'll be okay. You'll get better..." Ashley keeps trying to tell him.

"No, Ashley," he becomes angry again. "We're over. Don't you get that? I can't be with you. I can't even see you! How did you ever think this would work?"

Her breathing starts escalating as tears overflow. "Brandon...you don't mean that...we just..."

"Just go!" he cries out while turning his head toward the wall. Ashley want to keep protesting, but her body is losing control. With shaking knees, she races out of the room while hugging her chest and fighting sobs. Close to the waiting room, she leans on the wall and slides to the floor in her grief.

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