𝙈𝙔 𝘽𝙀𝙎𝙏𝙁𝙍𝙄𝙀𝙉𝘿 (REWRITING)

FIVE

Harry and I laid together for awhile. I was so nervous to bring anything up to him. 

But I knew I had too.

I managed to work up the courage to say,

"Harry, we really need to talk."

He looks down to me before responding.

"Okay, let's talk." 

I take a deep breath before starting. 

"I just don't know what we're even doing. Once I go back home are you just never going to talk to me again like you did before? It feels like you're only talking to me now because I'm here and it's convenient for you. Is this all just going to go back to how it was? I can't let you hurt me like you did before. I can't let my guard down so easily this time." I say.

"Emery, I'm genuinely sorry for what I did in the past but I've changed. There is no way I could go the rest of my life without ever talking to you again. You were the best thing that ever happened to me and I was just too stupid at the time to realize. I wish I would've known all of this sooner but I didn't. I wanted to call you so badly but I knew that you hated me and I didn't want to ever give you false hope. I wish I could take it all back." Harry says. 

"I haven't been the same since I lost you. I've been so unhappy even when I try my hardest to not be. I lost my best friend Harry. I just wish it didn't affect me anymore. But it does, I have some major trust issues now. I just can't help it." I reply. 

I realize that with my last sentence, my voice breaks. 

And suddenly, the tears are flowing.

Harry wraps his arms tighter around me and kisses the top of my head. 

"I feel like I'm never going to be good enough for anyone. I'm so tired of everyone in my life leaving. First my father, then you. I just can't deal with that pain again, Harry." I say letting out a sob.

"I'm so sorry." is all he says.

I don't talk about my father often because I don't feel like its necessary. Harry knows how I feel about my father. He left when I was young so I don't know much about him but it still hurts knowing your father abandoned you at such a young age. I have major abandonment issues. Harry made everything worse when he stopped speaking to me. 

I can't tell if I'm over reacting about this or not. It just really hurt me and he was so important to me and suddenly he was gone. He literally ghosted me and I don't know if I want to be close with him again, he'll eventually go on the road again. Who knows if he'll try to keep in touch with me.

"What are you thinking?" He asks.

"Just things. I think it's time to sleep. Goodnight Harry." I say while rolling away from him.

I hear him let out a little sigh before replying with 

"Goodnight Emery."

.....

"Harry, I think that Emery is gone." is the first thing I hear when I wake up.

"Mum, she's right here." Harry says whispering.

"Why is she in here? Harry please tell me you didn't." Anne replies in a hushed voice, I imagine her putting her palm up to her face. 

"Nope, I asked her to sleep in here. We talked about some stuff." He replies. 

"I'm going to need you to catch me up on that later than. Can you wake her? Breakfast is done and I won't mention her being in here, I don't want to embarrass her."