Damaged

Elle, meet Zayn

I walk down the hall in the familiar place i call school. I catch the eye of the biggest bitch in school, Della, that was a mistake. "What the hell are you looking at, freak?" I put my head down and continue walking to my class, i needed to get there before i was late, i was always late, not on purpose but somehow i managed it. "Oi, don't ignore me." She came at me and was stood right infront of me in seconds, she grabbed the top of my hair and pulled it down. "Don't ever ignore me, ever." Her eyes were fiery, her breathing had gotten heavier, she was angry, and for no good reason. 

The reason Della hated me was because a few years back my mum and dad had temporarily fostered her, she was in care and yeah i felt bad for her, knowing she had lost both parents but there was no need to be a bitch. While she lived with us she had been quite close to me, she'd been very involved with my life and she obviously got jealous. I had two parents that adored me, we were quite lucky with money, my mum and dad had good jobs that provided me with a very good lifestyle, i had all my family around me and she was bounced from home to home, i really did feel for her. 

"Let go of my hair." I said it slowly while darting my eyes back into hers. 

"You think you're so perfect, with your perfect little life and your perfect little family and your perfect little home. Well you're not, you're always going to be a rat, no matter how rich you are, no matter how many people love you. You disgust me. Swanning around the school like miss perfect. Why? Why do you rub it into peoples faces? Not everyone has the perfect life, empathy comes to mind. Bitch." 

I wasn't going to fight with her, i couldn't physically do it. I didn't think i acted like i was perfect, like my life was perfect because people here went through a lot, i hadn't had anything like that in my life. I felt too bad to even have a comeback for that, it wasn't fair for me to say anything back, she hadn't had an easy life. There was no reason what so ever for her to be a bitch but i understood to a level, it hadn't happened to me, but i did empathise for her. 

I walked away from her, what could i say? I had to. I was not in the mood for school now, i wasn't one of those rebels who just decided to skip school and do wild stuff, believe me but as i walked out the school doors i felt better, i didn't want to go, i was in a crappy mood. I know i wouldn't regret this, if i stayed i would get no work done thinking about what Della said and i'd more than likely snap at anyone i came into contact with. Tears streamed down my cheeks as i left the school gates. 

Overthinking. 

My parents had been arguing every night for the past few months, last night i heard them talking about who i would live with and how they would arrange everything. I was sure they were splitting up, that's basically nothing compared to what Della had gone through but it broke my heart, it shattered. At 18 i was so used to my mum and dad together, they were so strong, they had been together since they fifteen, childhood sweethearts, i admired them so much but now.. It was just gone. I didn't want to hear them say the words. 

Maybe i'd just never go home. 

Maybe i don't have to hear the words come out their mouths. 

I had to though. I had to face this. 

I decided to take a walk in the park to try and clear my head, this stuff with Della and mum and dad was building up inside me, ready to come out and i couldn't handle my own thoughts. They were taking over me. I was lucky i was in sixth form and not school because if a truency officer saw someone out in uniform they'd be in big trouble. I didn't need to worry about anything. I was wearing black leggings with paint splodges all over them, not real ones of course, just the design and a black vest top. My style was normally out there, i hated attention but my style made people look at me. I don't know why i wore stuff like this, i guess i wanted to pretend i had confidence, i always found ways of pretending because otherwise i'd beat myself up about it and i'd struggle more than usual to talk to people. 

I walked into the park and i was instantly mesmerised by the beauty of it, the tree's and flowers were blooming and swaying from the little breeze in the air. It was full of dog owners walking their dogs and a few young children. There were couples having picnics on the grass, it was the perfect day. I walked to a large tree and sat down beside it, i took out my sketchpad and pencil that i carried everywhere and started drawing the view, observing everything in my sight, making sure not to miss any details. It was truly beautiful. As i was sketching down everything i saw, i noticed a boy sitting by the tree infront of me, he was leaning on the tree with his legs out, he looked distant and in his hand he had a cigarette, i observed him as he brung it up to his lips and took a drag. A boy a little older than me went by on his bike, a dog ran in front of his bike and he swerved and fell, the boy under the tree smirked at the sight, as if it was amusing to him. 

I jumped up from where i was sitting and helped him up, i made sure he was alright and handed him his phone, he had dropped it when he fell off his bike. He smiled and said thank you then rode off.  

"Why did you do that?" Someone sneaked up behind me and i could feel their presence, must be the boy who was under the tree. "Why wouldn't i? Sorry i didn't exactly find it funny unlike you." I didn't even turn, i knew who it was and i knew i didn't want to associate with someone like that. "It was funny. Why aren't you in school?" He said it so confidently like he knew i went to school, but how could he? I had often been told i looked older than my actual age and i was sure didn't know him so how did he know? "And who said i go to school?" I turned around at this point, eager to hear what he has to say because he had confused me. "I've seen you. I'm in your year, i don't blame you that you haven't noticed me, i'm barely there, so.. ditching?" He raised his eyebrows like how my dad would if he found out i was ditching, like he was doing a mocking dissapointment look. Oh please. 

I was trapped in a gaze when i felt him take the notepad i was holding out of my hands. He looked down at it and frowned. "What? You don't like it?" I raised my eyebrows, i know not everyone is going to like my sketches but i was really pleased with it. "I look sad, i look bad." He winked at me then pouted his lip and put on these silly puppy dog eyes. "Zayn." His expression didn't change at all, he just stared at me with this intense look in his eyes. "Elle." I smiled at him, trying to get him to return it but it didn't exactly work out. "I'll see you soon then Elle." He smirked, it wasn't even close to a smile, what i actually wanted from him, i liked seeing people smile, it brightened my day. "Oh will you?" He got closer to me and kept his eyes on mine, our noses were nearly touching when he turned and walked away, lighting another cigarette as he walked. 

I looked down at the notepad in my hands, smiling to myself, i was glad i met Zayn, he was an interesting character. I was hoping i wouldn't regret saying that. I signed it "Danielle x" Like i did with all my drawings.