Enlightenment

Part 31

Once Anna and Chris had left, I turned and headed up to my room. Jamie went to his own room so I knew he would be safely out of David’s way for a while. A tiny ribbon of regret wound through me as I thought about Anna. I felt sorry for sending her away so quickly, but the bigger part of me knew it was for her own good.

              I knew it was sad for her to have to so obviously avoid David, but there wasn’t much I could do about it… hopefully he would improve quickly. With any luck we could then just slot him back into his old life before anyone noticed anything was amiss.

              I frowned to myself, I doubted anyone would notice anything different… he didn’t look quite the same as before, but he was a teenage boy, people would hopefully just assume he had a particularly large growth spurt or something, or he spent too much time indoors, and maybe got a haircut… and started working out. Plus there was the useful fact that humans usually tended to ignore anything that didn’t quite make sense to them.

              I was just pulling some clothes out of my drawers ready to pack when there was a cautious knock on my door.

              I froze for an instant in confusion for a second until I recognized the sound of David’s breathing on the other side of the wood.

              Then I hesitated, I admitted to myself that I had been avoiding him as much as possible recently. A large part of me wanted to climb out the window and run away to avoid facing him…

              Another knock jolted me back to myself, and I reluctantly opened the door to find myself looking straight into his eyes with my guilty ones. Whatever he said I could never completely forgive myself for turning him.

              I still found it strange seeing him without his ever present glasses, but of course he wouldn’t need them now. His eyesight would be perfect, like mine.

              His eyes burned into mine with an intensity that surprised and frightened me. He stepped towards me, causing me to automatically move back; he shut the door behind him. I felt slightly flustered;

“David-“

He cut me off, “We need to talk.”

“What- what about?”

He was silent for so long I thought he wasn’t going to answer, I noticed flickers of nervousness in his eyes, “Us,”

“What?” I almost squeaked,

He looked at the ground before meeting my eyes again, “yes… I- I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while. I… really like you.” I stood frozen in shock, so he continued, “At first I thought it was nothing, that it would just go away. But then when I walked into the kitchen… and I saw you and him-“he broke off seeming to struggle for words, but I could easily read the jealously and longing in his expression.

I felt uncomfortable and awkward as another wave of guilt hit me, but I knew I had to be honest with him. I just hoped that maybe our friendship could survive something like this. ”David…” he looked at me hopefully, “I… I’m really sorry, but I don’t feel that way about you.” His face crumpled, so I hurried on, “of course I do really care about you! It’s just that I think of you as one of my best friends… and that’s it. I’m sorry.”

“But-“

“No David! You don’t really like me that much! It’s just because I turned you, that’s all, you’re genetically programmed to like me, how else do you think we would have such good control over newly turned vampires?”

His face turned hard and furious, “haven’t you been listening? I liked you before you turned me! Ever since I’ve met you, a part of me has always thought that you were the most beautiful thing I have ever seen!”

“David…” I sighed, “I’m sorry, but I’m with Jamie now, and I think that I might l-“

“No! How can you say that when you have never even given me a chance!”

              I opened my mouth to reply but before I had time to react his lips suddenly collided with mine.

              I tried to jump back away from him but my back hit the wall. I cursed myself for letting him back me into the corner.

              He kissed me roughly, and for a moment I felt myself beginning to respond to him, my lips accidentally moving with his, his tongue entering my mouth causing me to groan… my left hand ran down his chest, my right ran up his neck to wrap my fingers in his hair… I froze. The voice in the back of my head screamed at me- this was not the right hair, I shouldn’t be doing this!

              Unable to escape I panicked and shoved him away from me roughly, caught by surprise he flew backwards across the room and into the chest of drawers which shattered into pieces. I watched cracks shoot up the plaster in the wall behind it.

              He stumbled to his feet, looking dazed; my voice came out cold and deadly,

“Get out.”

He looked horrified; “Jade I’m so-“

“GET OUT!” I advanced towards him, not really sure what I was going to do but not caring, “GET OUT NOW!”

He backed away from me quickly, “but I’m so sor-“

“JUST GO!”

He turned and fled.

              Julia appeared in the doorway looking alarmed, “Jade! What the hell’s going on?” she saw my expression, I must have looked pretty murderous because even she took a step back, her voice softened slightly, “are you ok?”

I collapsed onto my bed, abruptly feeling exhausted. “Yeah… I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” I refused to admit to anything. Even to her. She sighed

“Ok… well if you want to talk about anything, you know where to find me.” she turned and left, shutting the door realizing that I wanted to be left alone. I heard her intercept a worried Jamie outside and send him away.

              I lay there unmoving for the next few hours, watching the sky outside grow darker and darker.

              A strong feeling of disgust built up in me. How could I be so stupid? I should have seen that coming and avoided it. Now the only thing I ended up doing was leading him along even further. I never should have allowed myself to respond to him, even if it was only for a few seconds… now he might even think that I like him in return. Which I don’t.

              After a while I couldn’t stand it anymore. I had to get up and do something to occupy my mind. I finished my packing in record time; salvaging all of the things from the wreckage of wood and metal that used to be a beautiful antique chest of drawers.

              Eventually I was left with nothing left to do, I stood in the middle of the room indecisively, half of me longed to go and find Jamie… but then I wasn’t sure I could bear to see him after what had happened with David. It felt as if I had betrayed him somehow… but I didn’t want to face the prospect of sleeping with nothing but my guilt to accompany me.

              Finally the first half won out… although I cowardly decided that I would only go in his room if he was already asleep. I didn’t want to talk to him just yet.

              Pausing outside his room I listened intently. He breathed evenly and slowly, his heart beat steadily. Definitely asleep, carefully I eased the door open and entered silently. He didn’t stir as I slipped into the opposite side of the bed to his still form, assuring myself that I would leave before he awoke.