the mistake that changed the world

part 1

To go look for him or to stay here, that was the question. I wonder what he's doing. I wonder if he's found another girl. He probably has. I broke his heart, why would he want me? I can't believe I told William I didn't love him like he thought. I don't know what was more heartbreaking- having to push him away like I did or having to hear him say "Ellie, no." as his response. Watching him cry was the most heartbreaking thing. I wanted to hold him and tell him the real reason, so I could keep him all to myself. but that's not love. Love is doing what's best for the other person, and keeping him would get him killed. he's my soulmate and I hope that maybe one day we could be together again... until I realize that's fairytale bullshit and its never going to happen. I just have to sit here and smell his alluring scent... and the cheeseburger he was eating? I laugh. Of course that's what he's doing at two in the morning. Eating a goddamned cheeseburger. Like he always does. Another small quirk that I love about him. He always wanted cheeseburgers at the oddest times. I always see him at school, eating cheeseburgers. Now when I see him its heartbreaking, but I have to push through. Once I turn eighteen I can leave, and I won't have to deal with the agonizing pains in my chest. It'll be better for the both of us if I leave. well, that's what I tell myself anyways. I know it'll hurt just as much. oh well. its what I have to do, I guess. It won't be hard for me to settle somewhere else. My dad has job connections everywhere it seems. I never really had friends here so I won't miss anyone but William. Maybe I'll meet someone new.