Only You {h.s}

Chapter One

I stand in front of the mirror, staring at my reflection. I feel numb. The scars decorating my arms are my only focus. I haven't self harmed in over a year, but memory of it won't seem to fade. I used to see the beauty in the world, so much beauty it overwhelmed me.

I suppose that's where I went wrong. I was too trusting. I can't seem to shake the naivety, though.

Today is the first day of my senior year and honestly, I couldn't be less excited. My hazel eyes lifelessly look back at me and I have to mentally prepare myself for the day. I think it's getting bad again. 

I take a deep breath and walk to my closet, taking out a light grey skater skirt and black cropped sweater. I get dressed, putting on my black thigh highs and doc martins. My brown hair falls in long waves down my back and I keep my makeup to a minimum, only wearing eyeliner and a little mascara. I look at myself once again, hoping to notice something positive, but I can only be disappointed. I sigh and make my way downstairs.

I've lived with my brother ever since the incident, so I only see him in the kitchen. He smiles at me as I enter the room.

"Good morning Meredith," he says, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Hey Lou," I reply, plastering on the realest smile I can manage. He knows all about my past and I know he worries about me. I don't want him thinking I'm going down that road again, so I decide to act fine. I've become so used to it, it comes naturally now. 

I have a glass of orange juice while he finishes his breakfast. We sit in comfortable silence until Louis has to leave for work.

"I'm going to head out, want me to drive you?" he offers. Louis teaches second grade at the elementary school a couple miles from my school.

"Sure," I shrug.

We walk out to his small black car and he starts the drive.  "How have you been feeling lately?" he asks. I can see the concern in his eyes and I almost feel bad for lying to him.

"I'm fine. I promise." 

"Cause I know school is-"

"I said I'm fine!" I snap at him. The rest of the short ride was silent. He pulls the car up to the front doors and turns to me, "Harry is coming over later. I was thinking about getting pizza, that okay?"

I blink at him and nod in response, quickly thanking him for the ride. I get a weird feeling in my stomach when he mentions Harry's name. Louis and Harry have been best friends for as long as I can remember. They are both 25, which is 7 years older than me. Harry used to be around all the time, but I haven't seen him since I was a freshman and he moved to New York to help with his father's business. I didn't even know he came back to London. 

I know it's stupid, but I was slightly in love with him when I was younger. Part of me thinks he knew. But I understand why he never wanted me back. He is literally beauty personified and I was just a dorky little girl with a crush. 

I walk into the school and am immediately met by my boyfriend, Zayn. We've only been together a few months, but I think I really like him. He's always been so sweet to me and always makes it up to me when he does something wrong. He doesn't know about my past but I don't think he needs to, not yet anyway.

"Hey babe," he says softly, pulling me in for a quick kiss.

"Hi," I smile up at him, resting my chin on his chest and my arms wrapped around him. He is one of the few people I've grown comfortable around since I left my old school.

"You look beautiful."

I blush and bury my face in his shirt. He chuckles and takes my hand, walking me to my first period class. I smile at a few people that pass by along the way. I don't have many close friends, but most everyone is kind to me. I've only been going to Westwood High since the middle of sophomore year. Things at my old school didn't work out too well. The only person who knows about it is my best friend, Allie.

I lean up to kiss Zayn on the cheek, whispering a goodbye, and take my seat in class. The teacher comes in and introduces himself as Mr. Frey. After he takes attendance, I zone out. I continue to go through the motions for the next 5 periods, giving myself time to think. 

I wonder if Harry remembers me. Does he know I live with Louis? I still lived with my parents the last time I saw him. Oh my god, did Louis tell him why I moved in with him? I hope not. It's bad enough everyone at my old school knows and it was horrible. I had to move away just to escape it all. 

I manage to make it to lunch without getting too anxious and I'm proud of myself. My eyes scan the lunch room until I find Allie and Zayn already sitting together. I sit down next to Zayn and he wraps his arm around me.

"Mer, would you please tell Zayn you'll come to the party on Friday?" Allie pleads.

"What party?"

"Luke is having a party, you know, back to school or whatever. But he keeps saying you wouldn't be up for it," she says, pointing at my boyfriend.

I look at Zayn and am met with his soft gaze. He knows how much I hate it when we go to parties. I don't like to drink and I don't like babysitting my drunken boyfriend. But we haven't been to a party in a while and I know he wants to be there.

"Yeah we can go," I give him a reassuring smile. The rest of lunch consists of us listening to Allie talk about how excited she is for the party. She's had a crush on Luke since I've known her, so I really hope things go well for her. 

The more I think about this party the more anxious I become. Zayn getting drunk really isn't always a big deal. He becomes lovey – very lovey. It's cute until he gets touchy. It never goes all the way and he always apologizes, so I've never held it against him. He was drunk after all.

After lunch I only have one more class before school is over. I put in my earbuds and begin my 20 minute walk home. I catch myself walking faster than normal. The fact that I'll be seeing Harry tonight is making me nervous. It seems to be the only thing I've been feeling lately, that, or complete numbness. The sadness is a constant dull ache tugging at me. I'm managing, I suppose.

I reach our house and take a deep breath, straightening myself out before entering. I hear laughter from the kitchen and I mindlessly walk toward the sound. Silence encompasses the room and my breath hitches at the beautiful emerald eyes staring back at me.

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