Sink or Swim

Chapter 3: Finding Myself

"(3) Three times a week?" I continuously repeat to myself in hopes of allowing this sentence to process thoroughly.
"Is there a problem Madame?" A deep, husky voice disturbs my processing. I turn around filled with great animosity, prepared to unleash my quickly escalating rage on whoever it was until my eyes met his. In all my life I've never seen such bright chestnut eyes before. Immediately I break myself from my apparent trance.
"Yes actually I do, 2 problems to be exact!!" I begin." Firstly I think you guys made a mistake here, I'm seeing that I'm required to visit a psychiatrist three times a week!?!?"
"Yea Madame that's correct", he replies while peeking over at my letter to see himself .
"For what purpose??" I ask squarely.
"Well Madame, it appears that you have some unresolved issues with certain individuals and it is for their safety, we plan on ensuring that you see a psychiatrist and some anger management courses to ensure that you are 'under control'".
"Well just so you know I do not need to be kept under control. I can control myself!!" I say squarely and glare at him to get my point across.
"Well Madame I suppose that temper if yours need controlling." He says harshly as he disappears around the corridor. I was again left alone in the corridor, contemplating my next move. My problem, at this point was to get myself an apartment. The institute recommended that I should live at their housing facilities in Boston, but the last thing I needed right now was to be 'supervised'. I opened the brown envelope that was handed to me and I noticed $1000 and a resume well put together by the institute. I smile contently and headed out towards the streets.
"Anastacia!!!!!"
I turn around to see who possibly could've known my full name, it was the psychiatrist.
"Ms. Colt? What is it?"
"I couldn't let you leave just yet, I know that you have been awaiting this day ever so patiently--"
"--IMpatiently--" I correct her
"Yes! I'm also aware that you are required to see a psychiatrist as a means of keeping tabs on your recovery, I presumed that it could be a wise decision if I offered my help since I am a psychiatrist and I am very eager to see you get better."
"Better??, Ms. Colt there isn't anything wrong with me!"
"I'm aware of that, but the institute isn't entirely convinced of that. Now, I need to get back inside I have a session in 15 minutes. Here's my card, call me if you change your mind."
***********
"$250 a night?????"
"Yes Madame this shelter offers food and individual bathrooms, the lowest you'd get anywhere." The secretary continued.
I had already been standing in line for an hour and forty five minutes my legs were tired and I needed sleep.
"I'll take it!", I took the keys and started to my room.
The room was a little larger than I anticipated. Although it was small and quite dusty, it was manageable. It contained one window, a bed, a small refrigerator and a very small closet area, attached to it was a little walk way leading to a small bathroom. I begin searching the room for cleaning material, I found a broom and a dirty dish cloth. In the sink of the bathroom I found some dish washing liquid and I began to make magic. After about 2 hours of continuous dusting, sweeping and wiping, I finally threw myself on the bed allowing a deep sleep to overtake my weary eyes.
***(I could hear mom's voice)
'Stacey honey, mommy's gonna take you to the movies Saturday.'
' Stacey remember that doll I promised you, I'm gonna get it for you this evening.'
'Remember no-one can love you more than I do.'
'Stace you're not going to school this week , I can't afford it, I just bought a pair of Selena's pumps!!!!'***
I immediately rose from my repetitive dream. The tears still soaked my face from my restless sleep. I sat on my bed, finally allowing myself to thoroughly think about Ms. Colt's offer. She was the only person I'd ever admitted so much things to, which would make it only right to continue seeing her. I looked at the clock which read 3'O'Clock, I was so tired I slept the entire morning away. I took a nice long bath, dressed in my casual skinny jeans and my most feminine plain black vest. I tied my hair up in a loose ponytail.
The one thing I was really appreciative of my aunt from New Jersey for, was the fact that she left an open bank account in my name after the incident with 'Tom' . she tried visiting me at the asylum but I refused to see her. She wrote letters constantly, but after the 40th, she stopped. I secretly hoped she was OK, in one of her letters she wrote the word 'sorry' fifty times. She was the only person I knew that cared about me (at least I hoped). I wanted to go visit her, but the thought of seeing 'Tom' sickened me and therefore that entire idea was kicked out of mind immediately. I went to the nearest cell phone store insight and purchased one of my liking.
Upon leaving the store I spotted the New Jersey Transit Train pulling out of the Subway, which wasn't of a far distance. Without paying much attention to where I was going, I knocked into this lean yet muscularly  built man, the intriguing scent of his Cologne was way too familiar. As I made eye contact, there was no way I was forgetting those bright chestnut eyes. "I'm sorry ma..." He stopped as he recognized me."its my fault." I confessed "I wasn't looking--"
"-- its OK!" He interrupted with the biggest and warmest smile I'd ever seen, it was like a gush of hot water warming my insides.
"My name's Dr.S and your's?"he stretched his arms for a handshake.
"Anastacia, but please call me Ana" I say while accepting his hands and we shake.
"Ana, nice , so can i get you a coffee or something?" He offered while returning the big smile. "That would be lovely Dr. S" I chuckle.
"By the way I apologise for my attitude earlier today I wasn't in the best of moods" I quickly add.
My mouth spoke faster than my brain could comprehend what was happening. It was really unusual because I was never good with introductions or even keeping a good conversation, but today was different.
"Its OK, remember its my job to expect these things." He replies calmly , while leading the way towards Dunkin Donuts. "So tell me something about yourself Ana."
That question sent chills down my spine, my brain struggled to come up with an appropriate response.
I laugh nervously "what exactly do you want to know?"
He chuckles nervously as well "forgive me for being a bit vague, let's start off with the basics ...what's your favourite coffee?"
My body loses the tension as I  began to relax
"I think I've changed my mind I'd rather an iced latte " I reply. "Ay- Ay- captain" he responds as he heads towards the cashier to get the drinks while I find us a seat.

***********
Its been an hour since Dr. S and I started talking. Our conversation was the most relaxing I've had in ....forever. I started feeling a whole lot less agitated and for the first time in a long time both my mind and body was in the same place .
"So how long have you been working the institute? I don't think I've ever seen you before?' I ask cheekily.
"About a week, and I've never really been allowed to go around any of the patients as yet. So I'm still stationed at the administrative office."
"So does that mean that your new in town?" I continue.
"Something like that, I've been here for about two to three months " he responds.
"How about you? Why were you in there?"
My mind wasn't as defensive as it was before for some reason I had just met this guy and Its like I've known him forever.
"Its a really long story but let's just say I was at the wrong place with the wrong people." I respond.
With a confused expression he asks "you didn't do anything illegal right?"
I started laughing which triggered his laugh 'no of course not, I was envied and they paid the asylum to keep me out of their way." I say admittedly.
"Damn that sucks 'he exclaims
" trust me it does." I smile in Attempts to push the threatening tears back up.
He notices my sudden change of mood and the sudden redness of my cheeks.
"Ana I'm sorry if I offended you by asking about it, I know I can get a bit inquisitive at times--"
"--its nothing" I say, "by the way I have to go, I forgot I had something I need to do. Thank you for the latte." I end and headed to the door . 

"Ana!!...you forgot something. I turned around

 "what?" I asked

 "to give me your number" he laughs sheepishly. I blush as i regurgitate the numbers I had just forced myself to remember.

 "Thanks , i really enjoyed your company, again sorry about just now"

'Its OK" I reassured him as we went our separate ways.
As I bend the first corner I see, I Start dialing the numbers of the ruffled card.
"Ummmm ....Ms. Colt are you free tomorrow?"