He's a alpha I'm a rouge & not going to be his mate

The rock

Nova’s POV

The ride home is silent and uncomfortable. I know Chris is trying to wrap his mind around me and Angel. I never announced said relationship or hinted; I’ve never hung out with a guy romantically. Unless you count this afternoon with Chris, but I don’t think him taking me to his house after a mental breakdown is romantic.

A block from my house the silence is finally broken. “Was that as bad for you as it was for me?” Chris asks. I look over quizzically, and he’s grinning. There’s a twinge of pain in his eyes, but his grin grows in proportion. Chris’s smile out shines the passing street lights. It is the sun that expels the storm that was my night. I can’t help but smile back at him. “I’m sure it was much worse for me” I laugh.

“What was your favorite part then?”

“I think when the two people I hate most in the world were joined by the one person in the world that I can call my arch nemesis.”

“I think I got you beat, when you told me that was your EX was the worst, especially when he was all ‘a pleasure I’m sure’” Chris mocks in his overly exaggerated rich man voice. I begin to giggle, but it quickly grows into a howling laugh. The car slows to a stop outside of my paint chipped home. We continue our extravagant laughter at the expense of Angel and Chase. I finally gain control of myself so as not to wake the whole neighborhood. I was afraid that if I kept laughing those outside of this moment would steal it from me, and this is something I don’t want to lose; my best friend.

“Nova” Chris says slowly tasting each letter as it rolls off his tongue. His smile lingers but it doesn’t shine as bright in the darkness of the car.

“Yea?” I say quickly becoming aware of the shift in the atmosphere. The car is silent as the grave; the only sound the breathing of those buried within. Chris next to me and me to him, barley a foot apart. Our hands clasped together, fingers interlocked. When did that happen? Chris is staring his eyes boring into the side of my head, since I refuse to look at him. Am I embarrassed? Why can’t I meet his eyes? Those beautiful normal chocolate eyes. ‘Normal’ what is ‘normal’?

“Why did you go out with that guy” It isn’t phrased as a question more of an accusation liked I’d betrayed him in some way. I gather the courage to look into those chocolate accusing eyes and there it is the betrayal I heard trapped there like an impression in mud. I look away, out the window down the expanse of darkened houses. ‘Normal’ what is… why… my mind wonders but I refocus. Chris wants an answer, an answer that I can’t tell him. Not that I can’t I won’t tell him; I refuse. The air becomes stagnant. Chris sighs giving up, but he isn’t done not yet. Chris isn’t the type to just let it go. “Did you love him?”

A harder question. I can’t hurt Chris, but not will hurt him. On the other hand telling would destroy him. So I ask myself a serious question I promised never to think about again. Did I love Angel Thomas? No, maybe…

“I don’t know” I mumble meeting Chris’s eyes. The eyes that accuse me, that comfort me. Those eyes that are so… “Normal”. Damn why am I so caught up in that? Then it hits me like a brick. The bile rises in my throat. Who is Chris to accuse me? Who is Chris to question me? Who is Chris to make me feel bad for feeling? He is normal he can’t make me do anything, feel anything!

The words come stronger this time “I don’t know” the pain in his eyes stares back at me.

“Why did you… um… break up?” he gulps. I think he expects me to say something like ‘Oh he broke up with me and I haven’t gotten over him since’ instead I the truth comes out

“He tried to kill me” I say through gritted teeth. ‘Normal’ what does that mean why is Chris so ‘Normal’ why can’t I be ‘Normal’?

His pain is replaced with shock and pity and anger. “Oh” is all Chris can muster. However, his eyes tell me everything. Chris pities me that’s enough to make me laugh. I should be pitting him he’s so ‘Normal’! I come to a realization then I’m not mad or annoyed by Chris because he’s normal; I’m mad because I’m not. For 10 years I’ve been angry at him, because he has the one thing that was taken from me… normalcy.

I can’t take the heat of his eyes boring into mine any longer I yank my hand from his. Throw the door open and slam it in his face with a force that shakes the car. I start toward the house but not before I hear his door open. “Go home Chris.” I sigh rolling my eyes when his door has yet to close. “I had a nice night thank you for this afternoon.” I say softly hating myself more now than a second ago. I mean Chris is so damn sweet, and I’ve been angry at him because I’m angry at myself; that’s not fair to him. I hear him sigh. I turn to meet those chocolate eyes again. “Chris I’m sorry for everything, but this what happen this afternoon can’t happen again it’s not good for you” I say like a mother talking to her child about to much candy.

“Why?” he asks

“You ask a lot of questions Chris” I nearly smirked.

“Why can’t it? How is it bad for me?” he breathes “I’ve wanted to be with you since the day I saw you in first grade.”

“I’m not good for you”

“You’re not good for me or this isn’t good for you?” he asks

“Goodnight Chris” I sigh defeated. Turning to go back into the house the door opens with extreme ease. Lucy stands behind it. I barley glance at her as I make my way to my room. Her foot falls a step behind mine. She saying something but I don’t hear her over the voice in my head praising me for hurting one of my best friends. I fall on the bed in my dark room; it seems fitting. The girl with no emotions lying in the darkness. I begin to practice one of the drills my father made me do in kindergarten.

‘Think of yourself as a rock. Emotions are nothing, expel there uselessness from your body like breathing out bad air. Feel the heaviness of them leaving become a rock.’ I hear him say in my head like I’m 5 again. I repeat the exercise several times.

When I open my eyes again day has broken I must have passed out. I try to rise but my movements are heavy and slow. I’m cold though my room is 73 degrees. I feel nothing about it, I am simply cold.

I am the rock hard, cold, and indifferent.