Maybe there really isn't much to say for my childhood. I honestly didn't start out in a great place. My parents were never married. I wasn't born in my "home" state. I was born in Florida. I never stayed there long we moved before I turned 1. But my parents didn't stay together. She wasn't a healthy person almost 18 years later and she still isn't healthy. She chose weed over her family. Chose an abusive man over a wonderful man. Did my dad have it all together? No but none of us ever do. He was better then the man she had found. After the custody court dates it was determined I would stay with my dad and see my mom every other weekend. That's when the trouble started.
My mothers boyfriend never laid his hands on me but man did he yell. And I saw so much abuse in my childhood. I watched the woman who brought me into this world get beat. That I have to say is heart breaking. The memories of my childhood are filled with that. I have a hard time remembering the good things. But I try like hell to remember anything good with my mom. I remember I must of been 4 it's a faint memory but I remember them trying to teach me to ride a bike quite impossible since I have no balance at all. And being 4 I had no balance then either. I remember when my sister was born I was 6. She was the best part of my childhood. My life became consumed with her. Protecting her from harm. But she was subjected to the same stuff I was just on a daily basis. So I couldn't protect this little girl and it killed me. I began to see her more as a daughter because I'd do anything to protect her. At 10 years old my sister being 4 I would fight to go over there so I could keep her safe for a weekend. My heart was shattered with worry and abandonment. My mother would just not pick me up, never a phone call she just wouldn't show up. Telling me dreams of leaving him and starting over, but I think that was just the drugs talking. By then she was pill popping. My heart was torn between loving her and hating her.
I have a step mom who has through the years tried to be everything my mom couldn't be. But I never let her in. All through my childhood I pushed her away. I wanted my mom. It took until I was 14 to finally let her in. But I was far gone by then.
