A series of; Phan oneshots

19/10/09

Eyes sleepily looking from one run down new mum with a pram and old man with a newspaper in each window seat to next, I attempt to distract myself from the anxiety ascending in my throat, and my trembling hands wrapped around my mobile. Despite trying to convince Phil that I was much more approachable on the Internet than in the real thing, HE wanted to meet me. HE had invited me to spend the week with him in his house, and HE had sent me a long paragraph on Twitter this morning telling me how excited he was.   In spite of convincing myself to leave it be, I gave in and re read that message again. Good morning bear! ^_^ I'm so so so looking forward to seeing you, I'm home all day so come whenever the train is running. Months of Skype calls finally paying off :3 REALLY catch ya later! <3 I close my eyes, body leaning back into the seat in relief. 5 minutes. I pulled on my rucksack. 4. Final toilet break, I catch a glimpse of my worried reflection in the grimy face mirror. Were my cheeks always this pink? 3. When did all these freckles appear? It's not like I got too much sun it's England. 2. This door handle is so stiff please don't let me get stuck. 1. "The train will be reaching its destination, please remember all your belongings and mind the gap between the vehicle and the platform. Thank you for travelling with us." He may as well of been speaking Spanish. Butterfly's fill my gut, Manchester train station. Don't back at now, please don't for him. Saw your train arriving, here to pick you up! Think off his videos, the ones you ADORED as a fan. It's the same person now. I THINK I CAN SEE YOUUU <3 Remember how you'd sit with him on calls, until he'd fall asleep. BROWN SUITCASE, RIGHT? The way his tongue pokes out the side of his mouth when he laughs, how wonderful it would be to hear that laugh in person DAAAAN How you just want to be there with him, not to watch him succeed through a screen but to do it together. My self pleading is interrupted by the warm, large arms of a colourful blur pulling me to the ground. Small pieces of  granite stick to my palms before I can hold them back. I lift my head breathlessly, blue on brown the first time from behind the computer. There we stay, wrapped around each other cross legged on the station floor until I can think of the right way to tell him how lovely I think he is in HD quality.