Hello

Flesh 'n' Blood

I had never used sex as a way to deal with my emotions until Roger returned from Montreal with Henry but my god having Roger slam me against the mattress and really service me felt good. I needed a good fuck and he was more than happy to oblige. I could feel his breath on my back with every low grunt and I near screamed in synchronisation. We continued this pattern for what felt like hours, until my lungs forgot how to breathe.

"Rog, take me!" I demanded, gripping his pillow. He dug his nails into both sides of my waist and completely destroyed me. I writhed under his body in agony, forever feeling the need for more.

"Lucy, it's over. Stop moving, I've got nothing left to shoot." Roger laughed as his sentence progressed, holding my hips in place so I couldn't squirm around. His lips pressed against the back of my neck before he laid down next to me, pulling me into himself by grabbing my ass. We were two naked bodies completely exposed to the world and each other. I had never experienced this, either. I always made Roger cover me if we ever had sex. I'd never taken it from behind and I had definitely never let him see all of my naked body.

But I wanted him to see it. I wanted him to destroy it. I wanted him to pound away at me until every tiny speck of Ivory Porter was gone.

"You've always been a mystery to me, Lu. I've never really felt needed until now. It's nice."

I let tears flow like rain from my eyes as he rested his face on the space between my breast and collarbone. I could taste them as they flowed to my lips, flooding the gap from bottom gum to lip.

"It's okay, Luce. I've got you, baby." Roger whispered, straightening up and facing me. As I tried to calm, he reached over and pulled our blanket over our naked bodies, tucking the top under his arm and over my shoulder, exactly the way I liked it. I kissed his skin once and put my face against his chest, feeling his heartbeat.

His body that I had only seconds ago craved to physically beat the shit out of me, I now wanted to protect me from everything. This was his magic.

"I'll never be called Ivory again, Roger. I'll never have a mum again. It was my fault, Roger. Oh god." He lifted my face up so he could look me in the eye.

"No, you won't be called Ivory again. It's not you. You will always have a mother in Chrissie and lord knows you're already my mother's favourite. It wasn't your fault, baby. Don't ever think someone committing suicide is your fault."

Suicide. The word itself made my throat lump. I cried harder into him, gripping his arms in pain. He let me cry, knowing if I actually cried with him in the same place, it needed to be done.

"Never leave me, Rog. Please." I whispered, feeling his arm slide under my side and his hand reach my shoulder blade.

"Why would I ever leave you? I have never loved someone so deeply that four nights away made me ache."

"I'll never see her again." I cried, closing my eyes and breathing him in.

Three days ago, At three AM, I crawled out of Vivienne's bed and squeezed myself into her car, taking her keycard to get get access to the women's ward. I tried to enter Angela's room but the door was locked. A definite no no.

She walked past me and slapped me on the arm for taking her spare card and being in here at the ungodly hour that it was.

"When did you do rounds last? Her door's locked." I commented, reefing on the silver metal handle again.

"It can't be. I was here ten minutes ago and she was asleep." Vivienne gently shoved me out of the way and did the same to no avail. I started to freak out. She rattled the keys in her pocket and pulled them out, shoving a master key roughly into the lock and jimmying it open in the soft darkness. The bathroom light was on in her room and her bed was empty. I thought I knew exactly what was happening. I had seen it in many addicts who got their hands on the drug of their desire.

I was wrong.

They dragged me from her room less than half a minute later, my hands and hair drenched in fresh blood.

A knife from dinner was all it had taken.

I returned to the present time, shivering in a non-existent cold wind.

"I'll always love you." I whispered, kissing his neck and relaxing against him.
__________\\__________

"Hey. I made you breakfast. I thought your all-night emotional sex-fest might have worn you out." Roger laughed, sitting a bowl of porridge with mixed fruit.

"Thanks, hot stuff." I kissed him slowly, savouring every millisecond. Henry sat in his high-chair next to me, playing with my wedding ring as he babbled away. I responded with "really?" And "is that so?" As my baby continued in Henry-Land speak.

"I just want to hear one word in mummy's language. God I'd love that." I sighed, kissing the top of his fluffy blond head. I scooped a small amount of warm food from my bowl and blew on it, facing the spoon towards him.

"Would Guaccy like some food?" I asked as he opened his mouth in readiness. I watched Henry roll the oats in his mouth before spitting them out.

"Picky eater like his mumma." Roger commented, taking a seat next to me.

"Oh come on! Seafood is gross, eggs taste like farts, and chicken drumsticks aren't as good as chicken breast." I explained as he took my spoon from my hand and fed himself a mouthful of my breakfast.

"Oh, Rollo!" I sighed. I rested my head on his shoulder and laughed into his shirt.

It was all gonna be okay.