Hello

Dreams

She's crying in pain, the woman I'm coaching. She wants to wait for her husband to get to the hospital before she lets us take her to the delivery room. I rub her back and tell her she needs to breathe, but I don't think she can hear.

"Breathe, darling. We need to take you to the delivery suite." I remind, continuing to rub her back for her. My pink nursing dress has tearstains on it. Suddenly, she screams. Her husband, a butch middle age man with a scruffy beard and ripped jeans, runs in and kisses her forehead.

"You okay, love?" He asks, grabbing her hand. I tell him I need to have her lying on the bed with her legs bent.

"It's time?" He asks me. I nod back. Within half a minute, we have her ready. As I pull on my gloves, an earthquake erupts. Everything around me changes. I'm not in the hospital anymore, I'm in my old bedroom: The tiny window behind me provides an inkling of light in this dark room. Beside me, my metal bed frame and no matress, pillows or sheets. The woman and her husband are gone. I look down and in my arms is a baby, warm and still. She doesn't blink, doesn't twitch, doesnt even breathe.

"She's gone. You didn't save her." The mother appears, the woman I was supposed to be helping. Around her eyes is black. She points a finger at me, chanting "You didn't save her" over and over again.

"I'm sorry." I cry, holding the baby to my chest.

"You didnt's save her!"

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry." I scream, tears streaming out of me and dripping onto the infant.

"Lucy, wakeup. Lucy." Roger whispers calmly. My eyes flutter open and I fling myself forward in distress, screaming and feeling around in the dark for anything.

"Luce." The lamp beside me flickers on and Roger appears by my side.

"It was only a dream" He whispered, kisiing my forehead.

"I didn't save her." I reply, shaking like jelly.

***

The next morning, Roger found me in the kitchen of our suite, grinding up coffee. A drink I hate with all my soul. He doesn't say anything: He just sits down on a bench stool behind me and watches. I can feel his eyes burning my skin. Is this his way of asking for an explanation? I ask myself, reaching over and flicking the kettle on.

"Her name was Allie. She was my first patient. Her daughter was born stillborn. My first patient ever. It scarred me. Last night, I saw it happen again but a hell version of it. You'd think that six years would take the fear of that of that one moment away from me but it felt so real. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be saying all this to you the morning of a show." Roger looked at me, smiled slightly and stood up. He had never looked so welcoming to me.

"Hey, if we can have an all-night sex fest that involves you promising you'll perform with us, I'm sure I can handle this."

"So that's what happened." I sighed, hugging him tightly. He kissed my neck slowly, pulling my shirt up my back.

"Get outta there. You have a rehearsal to get to in 10 minutes." I told him, smiling. Roger's face fell to the ground.

"Shiiiiiiiiit." Running, Roger Taylor threw off his clothes in a path of destruction, reminding me that life is crazy but you gotta remember the good things. Like watching that fine ass run.