Bliss

Chapter 5: Through Music

Dom's POV:

It's been three days since Matt left the hospital and he hasn't visited yet. I understand that he has a life outside of our friendship, but I miss him. I've never been able to get so close to one of my crushes before and it really is a lovely situation. But I'm pretty sure that he's straight. He seems straight, but signals aren't exactly something that I can pick up easily.

I wish that I could leave this hell hole. Or that I was even just a little bit better so I could do more than just sit around doing nothing all day. I've tried writing songs and stories, but all of them are absolutely awful. I'm a shitty artist too, so I mainly just listen to music and read.

The only person who has actually visited me in the past four months has been Matt. I like to pretend my parents never came and told me that I'm not welcome at home. I just act like it never happened.

Or that my parents don't exist at all.

I'm an only child so I was spoiled rotten. I was a straight A student and never got into serious trouble. I was pretty popular too. But after I came out as gay two years ago, everything changed. I started losing friends and getting bullied, my parents would just ignore me, I couldn't take it anymore. I was stressed so my grades started to drop and I was hanging out with a pretty bad crowed. I'm pretty sure that if I had continued my life that way, I would have ended up dropping out of school. But now I may as well have because I haven't picked up a text book since I have gotten here. I guess everyone is thinking that my education won't matter because I'll be dead in a few months. Hell, I used to think that too.

Until I met Matt.

He has faith in me. And I feel like that faith is actually helping me to feel better. I remember hearing somewhere that if you're as sick as I am and you don't believe in yourself, you'll die. Matt just might be saving my life.

And I love him for that.

I don't know if I love him. I don't know him all too well and I've never believed in that love at first sight shit. But I know that there's something there. I don't know if he feels the same way. I don't think that he does. It would too perfect. But I'm allowed to dream. I'm allowed to picture a perfect world where I'm healthy and Matt and I can be together. A perfect world that can never exist. I try to believe that I'll get better and leave this hell hole. Run away on my own. I don't know where I'd go, but I don't have to worry about that. Even if I do get better, the doctors know that my parents kicked me out and I'd probably end up living with extended family, but they don't exactly support my sexuality either. I'd end up in a foster home or something and that scares me. I want to get better, but I don't have anywhere to go.

Maybe it is better for me to die in here...

Matt's POV:

I hate it here. School is awful for me. It's not that I'm bullied or that I don't have friends, I just hate it. The only classes that I actually enjoy are band and advanced music theory. I want to major in music one day. I don't know what I would do with my degree. I could never be a teacher which is what most music majors end up up doing.

I usually spend my time during class doing the actual work that is assigned, but the past couple of days, I've been trying to writing a song for Dominic. My mind keeps going back and forth on whether the song should express how I feel about him, or if it should just be something to cheer him up a bit. I can't decide. If I write a song that tells him how I feel, I'm scared that he won't feel the same way. I've always been comfortable asking girls out, but maybe that's because I've never been truly attracted to them. I've dated around, but I've never gone out with a guy. But maybe this nervousness is how you're supposed to feel when you're attracted to someone. It's not the most pleasant feeling.

I don't know why I even asked girls out in the first place. I guess that it's mainly because Chris and Tom would point out girls that they thought would look good with me and they would tell me at ask them out. So I did. But I never felt anything. Every moment, every kiss... Means nothing to me. I've never been with some because I'm attracted to them. But now that I actually like someone, I don't have the guts to ask them out. I really like Dom and lucky me- he swings that way. But there's no way in hell that he would go for a guy like me.

I'm not particularly smart or funny. I don't think anyone truly finds me attractive. My nose is oddly shaped, my mouth is too small, and my teeth are definitely something else. I'm also one of the shortest guys at my school. I'm only 5'7" and I don't think that I am getting any taller. Chris and Tom basically have to look down when they're talking to me.

Besides, Dom is so insanely perfect and I'm far from. I don't think that I have the confidence to tell him how I feel anyway. If I know that I'm going to be rejected, then what's to point in even trying?

Fuck it. I'm going to tell him through the only way that I know how.

Through music.