With Her

Am I Hiding?

It took me about 10 minutes to get home but when I did, I did not expect what I saw. I walked in and the table was set for three and two out of the three places were taken. One was by my dad, and the other by some girl I don't think I knew. I was confused, so I dropped my back pack with a thud.

My dad turned around with a worried look in his eyes like "don't mess this up" but all he did was smile.

"Ryin, this is Mary. Mary this is my daughter Ryin," said my dad.

What.
The.
Fuck.

Since when was my father introducing me to women?

I just crossed my arms and looked down trying to hide my panic, "Hey."

I couldn't muster anything up other than hey. I was a terrible daughter.

My dad sighed, "I've been trying to call you all day to let you know we had dinner plans, you hadn't answered anything."

I put my hands in my hair, "I'm sorry I had a small day. I turned my phone off."

When I have bad days I called them small days. When I was younger my dad always said that sometimes, the problems around you made you feel like everything around you was so much bigger than the person you were. From then on out the bad days were the small days.

"I'm sorry Ryin but next time keep an eye out please," he pleaded.

I just shrugged and sat down. Mary was looking around a bit nervous but for the most part she just kept looking over at my dad as if to say, 'I have no clue what to do help'.

Dinner just passed by in an awkward silence at first until Mary decided to begin trying to make conversation.

"So when did you get your facial piercings?" She asked curiously.

I shrugged, "I think when I was 15, maybe 16 though."

She just nodded and kept eating. It was very awkward after that and I didn't feel like filling the silence. Dinner passed by slowly and excruciatingly and when it was finally over I practically bolted to my room.

A few minutes later I peeked my head through the door to see if she was still there, I heard to voices talking in hushed whispers and I wanted to know what was going on. I walked down the hall quietly and waited behind the corner.

"You need to talk to her about us Maddux. Its unfair to her and me to continue to keep this all separate. I mean you just threw my existence at her at dinner, she probably hates me now!" said Mary.
She reallt couldn't have been more correct.

My dad shook his head, "She doesn't hate you, my daughter is just different. She's quiet and a bit awkward but she is still sweet. She just doesn't know you so she has no way to gauge how to approach you."

Mary just sighed, "Maybe I should go and you should go talk to her. Its late and I have to be at the library at 6 tomorrow. I love you."

Then they kissed and I almost hurled and she left.

My dad sat in the dining chair and put his head down on the table, and I just turned and went back to my room.

My dad tried to be a good father, I know he did but after Mom left he wasn't really sure how to be one. Him hiding this girlfriend from me and then just dumping her on me like this was not the greatest move. I was hurt that he never said one word about her but I am more upset because after 17 years of me having trouble while moving place to place and me begging to stop, its a girl that finally makes him stay.

I know I'm not the dream kid everyone would like to have, but I would like to think I was worth more than some girl my dad is with.

I guess we all wish the world works like that, but who am I trying to kid.

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I woke up to complete darkness and I could already see how the night was going to go. I checked the time on my clock and its barely 2:00 A.M. Fuck.

I sat up and clicked on my lamp. As I walked over to the bathroom I could feel the bile in my throat rising and before I knew it I was over the toilet throwing up. I hated when this happened. I leaned back against the cold bathtub edge and put my head in my knees.

I was so exhausted from everything lately and I was getting to the point of not even having enough motivation to breath.

I was so done with everything and the only thing I wanted to anymore was hide from the pain. So that was what I did.

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