With Her

There's A First For Everything

*Trigger warning in a part of this chapter, I apologize*

I sat on my bed for about an hour before deciding to turn it on and read the messages. I have been doing way better lately and I know that this will send me straight back to my old ways. I knew It would happen sooner or later. I wouldn't be surprised if they found me at this school.

I turned my phone on and I could already see the list of notifications. Some were unknown numbers and some were ones that I recognized.

-"You can't hide forever you cow."
-"Fat bitch."
-"You sluttin around at your new school?"
-"Kill yourself faggot."
-"Your going to hell."
-"Your mom left because you were an annoying little bitch."

There were many more too. I may have been quiet at my other schools but the other kids weren't. I started thinking about everything and soon I couldn't take it. I was so fed up that I couldn't even cry. I just sat in the same position staring at the wall with probably the blankest expression I've ever had.

I got up and went over to my dresser, reaching underneath to find what has slowly destroyed me. I sat on the floor and just stared at the only one left. My dad found the others while we were moving, he never said anything, all the did was throw them away.

He doesn't like to talk about how fucked up I am. In his mind if he doesn't say it then it doesn't exist.

Sometimes I wonder if he ever really cared at all.

I grabbed the razor and slid it slowly over my wrist. I did it again and again. I sat with quiet tears falling down my face, wondering how I let it get this bad. My body was slowly becoming the disgusting body everyone claimed it was, yet I couldn't stop.

All the sudden my phone went off:

Sam: "You want a ride to school tomorrow?"

Me: "What time do I need to be ready?"

Sam: "7:40"

Me: "See you then. Thank you."

I layed down and turned my music on. Fucked My Way Up To The Top by Lana Del Ray came on. I loved her voice so much. It always calmed me.

After that The Drug In Me Is You by Falling in reverse came on after that and I started to drift to sleep....

                           °×°×°×°

I got up and started getting ready. I grabbed my favorite black long sleeved shirt and a pair of jeans and then my favorite pair of converse and was done. I brushed my teeth and grabbed my beanie and I was ready for another ridiculous day of school.

I had five minutes to be out the door so Sam could pick me up so I grabbed a water and left. I put my earphones in while I was waiting for her and Dead by My Chemical Romance came on. I closed my eyes and leaned back. I didn't realize I drifted off until I felt someone shake me.

I jumped probably like 20 ft in the air.

"Holy shit!" I screamed.

I was breathing heavily and clenching my fists trying to get my breathing under control.

"Umm, are you okay?" Sam asked cautiously.

"Yeah I'm fine. Uh, what happened?"

"You were asleep and I tried honking but you still wouldn't wake up so I came over here to wake you up and you about killed me."

"Oh crap I'm sorry. I had my ear phones in. I turn them up really loud and its hard to hear things around me when I have them in," I said awkwardly.

She chuckled, "It's fine let's just get going."

The car ride to school was quiet but it wasnt an uncomfortable silence. When we pulled up everyone was looking at her.

"You just attract eyes where ever you go in this place," I told Sam.

She laughed, "They are just surprised that I'm talking to someone other than my brother Ryder. I don't usually just walk up and talk to people I just met. You were different. They could see it too. They just know not to fuck with you now."

"Why couldn't there have been people like that at every fucking school I have went to. My life woulda been a hell of a lot easier."

She looked at me curiously, "What do you mean?"

"Its nothing," I said grabbing my stuff, "Let's get inside before we are late."

Sam just silently got out of the car and walked over to me. I felt bad for not telling her what happened but I don't think I would be able to get through the whole story anyways. I always choke up and forget what I'm saying and then I start to freak out. When I tried to tell my dad what was happening after he seen my arm I almost passed out.

I'm just tired of having to basically relive the memory anytime someone wants to know. There's only so much a person can take before they snap. I'm just wondering when I will finally snap and end it all.

                           °×°×°×°

The day went by really fast, which sucked because it was a really good day. I don't really have many of those. I'm beginning to really like Sam. She just so nice and caring. She's pretty fucking amazing.I haven't met someone like her in a long time.

At the end of the school day I started walking home (I didn't want to have Sam continuously driving me everywhere it made me feel rude) and a big group of kids passed me.

They kept looking at me a snickering and just plain out being rude. Finally one of the girls walks over, "Oh look its new girl," She said sneering. Not again.

"What do you want," I asked cautiously.

"Where's little Sammy at hmm? Probably fucking someone else. Your just the newest toy and she wanted the first turn. She will probably throw your ugly ass away before you knew what happened."

I never got why people like her thought it was hilarious to tear people down. Obviously she had something wrong with her mind.

"And what's next?" I asked. I was so frustrated at this point I didn't even care. "You gonna tell me how I'm worthless? How I don't deserve to live. I've heard it all before. Its nothing new. So you can move on with your little pathetic life and just keep me out of it. I'm done."

She looked so pissed I thought her blonde hair was going to turn red.

"You have no right to talk about my life!"

"Oh, not so fun when the shoes on the other foot right? Well who gives one flying fuck if you think that 'I have no right' because you have no right to talk to me like I'm trash but you still do. Get a life and stop making others so miserable. Maybe more people would like you."

I turned around and walked away. One I got around the corner I let out a huge shaky breath. My whole body was on alert and it scared me. I had never stood up for myself like that. I usually just kept my head down and kept walking. Looks like shits about to change.
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