Pick Up The Pieces

Goodbye

Trembling fingers clicked the last press-stud in place with a small 'pop' on the high collar of Kotetsu's grey long-sleeved shirt. His face, reflecting at him from his vanity: pale, clammy and nervous. Sweat beaded off of him from his temple and dripped down his neck and he felt cold all over.

'Am I doing the right thing?' He whispered to Iruka through dry lips. Since he had made the decision to see his deceased lover, a sudden spurt of cotton-mouth had taken over his throat, making it almost impossible to control his basic functions such as breathing and swallowing.

'I think you are.' Iruka whispered back tenderly, straightening miscellaneous pieces of Kotetsu's ensemble. It had been a while since the raven-haired had seen the light of day and felt the sun on his skin, but this was progress. A step in the right direction towards getting the old Kotetsu back. Still, he could not let this thought get the better of him and set his expectations high. He knew exactly what he was going through. Well, to an extent.

'I'm so nervous...'

'I'll be with you every step of the way, alright? Baby steps...

...

...There, now you're ready.'

While it had only been a few days, the tanned chūnin's eyes calculated and noted the changes in the other man. Eyes that used to sparkle with laughter were now deep and brooding; their playful glint now extinguished to the depths. Cheeks that used to be full of vitality were now slightly gaunt; cheekbones prominent that jutted out more than what they should. Sockets were sunken lightly back into his skull, and the smile that lit up Konoha was buried behind various layers of sadness and was the epitome of a man at the end of his rope; the example of a harsh reality, and it made Iruka's heart sink.

'Are you ready?' He prodded gently, taking the raven-hair's shoulders and patting them gently. Kotetsu nodded and with a rattly breath, shuffled his feet towards the front door, almost afraid to creak the hinges open in fear of bringing the foreboding sense of despair closer to him.

The sunlight was blinding as he stepped out into the bustling streets of the village. He scrunched his eyes shut as a shooting pain shot through his temples from the sheer light but it passed quickly. Everything looked too bright to be realistic, but this was reality and he had to face it. Paranoia ate at him slowly as his feet dragged him towards the hospital; his breath quickened and he could swear that passersby were staring at him. In truth, some were, but only due to the fact that they hadn't seen the chūnin for days. News has travelled from neighbour to neighbour about Izumo's passing, but none knew about the actions that had followed when it reached Kotetsu's ears. He felt that the village did, however, and that all of theirs eyes were ones of disgust and pity from what he did to himself.

'I hate this.' He said out of the corner of his mouth to Iruka, who nudged him gently to keep going.

'What do you hate?'

'Pity. Sadness is one thing. You can be sad for someone, but when you pity someone...it's as if they look down on you...like they're superior.'

'No one is more superior than the other. Besides, don't focus on them. Focus on...what lies ahead.'

Kotetsu's stomach twisted into a grotesque knot. It was painful, and he felt like vomiting profusely on the sidewalk because of it. But he tried to swallow the stiff lump in his throat and pressed onwards.

Before long, the two had reached the hospital; the smell of sterile chemicals once again burning the insides of their noses in an overwhelming force. Corridors, stark as snow, seemed to stretch on for forever and always, and everything seemed much too difficult to commit to. But somewhere, Izumo was waiting for him, waiting for the goodbye that was never given.