Memento Mori

Chapter 15: Run

"Goodbye." Namjoon whispered slowly, knowing it was over; Seokjin gave up on that love, it was all over, there was no hope after all. Seokjin loved Namjoon, but Jin was something else entirely, his love for Jin was not something he could get over, he couldn't move on. He moved on, Seokjin ran away from this love, the only love that bought him happiness, he chose the pain over a happy ending, he chose to be the villain, and he chose that role until the end.

When Jin woke up, he was stirred in his sleep by a certain petite boy who was moving for a better place. He slowly opened his eyes, blinked a few times and then as he watched the boy sleeping once more in his arms he felt a certain pain stir again in his heart. Would Jimin leave him once he learned the truth? Will Jimin leave Jin if he knew about Seokjin? Would Jimin accuse him for being a killer like he blames himself? Would he even believe the older that it wasn't him who did it? Or would he just run and run and never come back again?

Jin looked at the watch that was on the wall, it showed 3PM, they slept almost the whole day, it was maybe time for lunch, no, that already passed, in 3 hours it would be time for dinner. Would the boy want to leave? To go home, be with his parents for Christmas? Would Jin be okay? Should he let the boy go? He didn't want to, he wanted to keep Jimin here with him 24/7 because he didn't know for sure that Seokjin was gone, he didn't know if he could cope with another goodbye, he didn't want to say good bye again, he didn't want to let go, he wasn't Seokjin, he couldn't let go, he just couldn't.

Maybe there was a small part of him, a tiny bit of his soul that wanted to believe Seokjin was not the bad guy, there was a part of him that wanted to believe it was not goodbye, there was a part of him that even if Jimin was there with him felt lonely, that part of him that missed Seokjin, that part of him that couldn't let go, it was just a scratch on the big wall of his soul but it was there, and he didn't want to admit it but he missed Seokjin, he might have not noticed it earlier, but a part of him liked having him inside. He might not have been aware that the boy lived there but he never felt as lonely inside as he feels now, he feels like there is something missing; he wants Seokjin back, he never wanted to let go, he was happy in his upside down right or wrong world, he was happy in his sad way.

He moved, and got up from the couch they were seated on, he tried not to wake the boy up and he succeeded; he left the boy there and went back in his room to get his camera, he didn't have the assurance that his memory won't bail on him again, he couldn't just let go of his camera, of the one thing that kept him sane all along these years.

He came back, to see a sleeping Jimin, soft snoring leaving his lips, cuddled up in that small couch that was not a place for someone to sleep on; he took his camera in his hand, turned it on, and with a small smile he spun around, slowly and then stopping on little things, the table with the chairs still drawn away from it, the washed plates and the remains of kimchi jjigae, then on the other side, the bathroom door open, with bubbles still flying around even if there was no water in, even if there was no one to make them move, little rays of light coming through the small window and the air making the balloons pop. Then he started speaking slowly, trying to keep a low tune, something to not wake the younger up, because he liked to see his sleeping face, he grew accustomed with his little snoring, his small breath on his chest, his trembling hands when he's having a nightmare, but most of all, the smell of his hair, sweet, faint, barely there, like rose petals, mixed with water lilies, it made it look soft, just like the way he sleeps, soft, quiet, faint, like a baby.

Jimin was unaware of everything when he slept; it was as if he was in another world, dream or nightmare, for him it was always too real, too close to reality that sometimes it was scary, but lately, ever since the nightmares began, ever since he started sleeping with Jin, it was quiet, his dreams seemed faint imaginaries of reality, they weren't scary anymore, because he knew that once he woke up from it, on the other side there was Jin, who embraced him when his world fell to pieces, who took his pain away and replaced it with sweet affection, love that he needed, who managed to fix something he never thought could be healed. The dreams he had before, the dreams of running away forever, the dreams of running and never coming back are now long gone, because they are just dreams and now in his dreams Jin would run with him, Jin would be there too, they would run and run and run, until they would forget everything and everyone, until it was just them and the sky. They would run until the world would disappear, until they wouldn't know who they are or what they are doing, all they knew would be that they love each other and that it's forever.