Fanboy (boyxboy)

Rootless Tree

It took three tries that day before Maddox even answered the phone. When he finally picked up, he wasn't as happy and confident as he'd seemed when Eli saw him on TV. Eli had been crying and to his shock, Maddox was too.

"Thank you," Eli whispered as soon as Maddox answered.

"I didn't do it for you," Maddox's voice was shaky, too thick.

"Are you crying?"

"Yes, are you?"

"Yes," Eli sighed. "Can I see you?"

"If you have to," Maddox accepted when Eli turned the call into Facetime. He covered his face with his hand like he didn't want Eli to see.

"Why are you crying? And how? You were totally fine on TV."

"Because I probably just ruined my entire life," Maddox shrugged. "Jackson and I are done, I'm sure my fans hate me."

"Are you kidding?" Eli demanded. When tumblr and instagram finally recovered from their Daxaholic-induced crash, everyone was celebrating. At least everyone Eli cared about. "Maddox, everyone is so happy for you and so proud. You just did such a brave thing and you were so cool about it, like you just owned it and basically told everyone to fuck off."

"No," Maddox shook his head.

"You so did," Eli insisted. "I wish you could see it, Dax, you were amazing. I wish I could be anywhere near as brave as you are."

"It's just another part of my show," Maddox spat the words out as if he were mocking Eli. Eli's heart stopped. He'd written those exact words under a picture of Maddox where it looked like Maddox was on the verge of tears.

"You read my tumblr," Eli tried to wrap his head around that. "I had no idea you were reading, you told me you hated tumblr."

"One time," Maddox insisted way too quickly and Eli could tell he was lying.

"How long have you been reading?"

"Long enough," Maddox looked away. "I was worried when you stopped tweeting and wouldn't answer my calls or texts and stuff."

"I'm okay," Eli was telling the truth, even if it didn't feel right. The medication the doctor put him on in the hospital had kicked in and he felt pretty numb. Stable, at least.

"Are you really okay?"

"I am now, I guess," Eli wasn't sure if he should be happy that Maddox could tell he wasn't telling the whole story or not. His heart did little jumps when he thought about that too much.

"What did you do?" Maddox looked so worried, like he somehow already knew what Eli had to tell him.

"I didn't cut deep enough," Eli held up his wrist so Maddox could see the cuts. "It was stupid, I know, I'm not going to do it again I just," he started crying again. Admitting it to Maddox felt too real, like watching his dad cry the day he came home from the hospital.

"I'm sorry," Maddox whispered. "I'm so sorry, Eli."

"It's not because of you, I know you think I'm crazy and like completely obsessed," Eli tried to breathe normally. "I'm not that crazy."

"I don't think you're crazy. I know what it's like, Eli."

"You have no idea," Eli shook his head.

"Look," Maddox sighed and pulled his shirt off.

"This is not the time," Eli protested until Maddox slid the camera down. An acid taste rose in the back of his throat when he saw horrible red gashes on Maddox's stomach. "Oh my god, Dax, why?"