Winding Roads

Chapter 7: Remove

I never wanted the day to come, I knew I'd wasn't as far away as I thought but I never wanted it to I never wanted to be rolled into the operating room, leaving Zayn behind not knowing if I would see his face again, but I knew I had to. I wanted to fight, not just for him but for myself, for my future for our future. "You ready my love?" Zayn asked, putting our bags in the car and I didn't answer at first, deciding if I wanted to sugarcoat my feelings, I decided against it because I knew he would see some ugly parts of me in the coming days, weeks, months and years. "No, no I'm not" I said quietly, but I said it and he frowned, lifting my chin to look in his eyes "I'll be with you each step of the way, you're gonna do great I promise" he never promised often, he didn't like to, he knew that nothing really in the world was certain, except for one thing he always promised, that he would love me forever and I believed that promise, i trusted that promise.

"This is as far as you can go Zayn," the doctor said and I could tell Zayn was holding back tears, I knew when he was, his lip quivered slightly and his hands moved more nervously than usual. He cupped my face and pressed his forehead on mine, I didn't know if I wanted him to say anything or not, I feel like if he did then it was considered a goodbye, and I didn't want this to be a goodbye.. it wasn't going to be right? "I don't want to say anything but I love you and I'll see you when you wake up.. ok?" I was glad that he kept it simple, it was really all I needed and wanted at this point and I appreciated how well he knew me. "I'll see you on the other side, I love you" I said and he pressed a kiss on my lips as they wheeled me past the point he could go.

The last thing I remember was being told to count down backward from 10, which at the time in my seemingly drugged state seemed next to impossible and I'm not completely sure if I even completed the task. "Babe? Babe are you awake?" I heard Zayn's voice, I guess I was awake but his only his voice made me realize it, slowly I opened my eyes it was blurry at first, but then it slowly became clearer. "You got prettier while I was gone how's that fair?" I mumbled softly when he became clear in my vision "oh shush," he smiled and kissed my cheek, softly and gently. "Am I bald?" I asked, I'm not sure why that was my first question, but it was something I really needed to know "they gave you a cool hair cut babe, shaved on one side, I think you look great" I frowned slightly "can we shave the rest off?" i didn't really know why I wanted to, but I did so I asked and although it's my choice, I want my boyfriend to approve. "Of course we can if that's what you want love," I nodded, happy that he would allow me to, I mean after all it's just hair, it grows back and hats always exist. "I have a follow up question that I should have asked first," I said and the doctor looked up from my scans and looked at me "did you get it all?" I was being optimistic I guess, or at least that's what I told myself. "95% of it," the doctor said and although it may seem good and I should be happy, 5% was still invading my brain, could spread or grow and that possibility terrified me "we will start chemotherapy when you've recovered a bit, and" zayn cut the doctor off, "and you're going to kick ass." and the doctor smiled faintly and nodded and walked out of the room, leaving just me, zayn and some machines.