Flowers for Violet

Chapter 4- Too Good to be Good for Me

A week has passed and Violet has been fulfilling her promise to me. Her promise not to leave my side and abandon me. I find it strange how she can still be by my side. We are eating lunch like it's any other day when a girl approaches our table. She smiles very warmly at first me and then Violet.

"Hey! I'm new and I heard you were the best student here in Austin Melleck High School so I was wondering if you could show me around." The fake blond asks Violet. Violet smiles brightly but by now, I can tell it's fake. "Of course! I'd be glad to show you around." Violet replies before telling me that she'll be back before biology which is the class after the class after lunch. I nod and then the two take off. I sit there by myself and the familiar feeling of being alone before Violet steeped into my life suddenly becomes foreign. I swell up with sadness. I need Violet here. I want Violet here. With me. Not with some fake blond chick who neither of us are quite sure to make of.

When lunch is over, Violet is still nowhere to be found. I clean up after myself before heading to my next class. Twenty minutes into the class, Violet returns and explains to Mr. Hamilton why she's late and is excused. She takes her seat across the classroom from me and proceeds with the rest of the class. After school, the new blond girl approaches us just as we were about to go home. She asks Violet, "Hey, do you have any plans today?" I look at Violet to see her response, expecting a 'no' after considering what happened earlier in the cafeteria but to my surprise, Violet smiles genuinely and says, "Actually, Will and I usually go home together to hang out. Maybe another time?" The blond forces a smile and replies, "Oh okay sounds cool." I want to smile at the fact that Violet ditched the new girl for me but instead I try to keep a straight face. Violet and I turn away and walk home. Halfway through our walk, Violet speaks up and begins talking about the new girl.

"So I found out Nell, you know the new girl, is actually interested in the same stuff as me. She likes the same exact bands as me but she also likes boybands which I don't like." is just one example of the sentences Violet tells me about this girl. As she's talking, I can see a little glint in her eyes as though she thought this Nell girl was special. I begin to feel suspicious and jealous. Violet is mine. I met her first. I was her first friend here in New York. Wait, is Violet not straight? Is she bisexual? Oh no, maybe even gay?! What if she likes girls? Then I won't have a chance with her whatsoever. I'm already at a small disadvantage with my shyness. Violet and I won't work out. She's confident and outgoing while I'm insecure and shy. But if she's lesbian, then there is not a single grain of hope for me. No, I can't let her hang out with Nell. I don't want to take any chances. I can't-

"Will? Will." Violet snaps me out of my spiraling thoughts that were close to consuming me. "Are you okay? You looked so deep in thought. Your eyebrows were furrowed and everything, looking like giant caterpillars." She giggles and then nudges me with her hip. "Forget it." She smiles before shaking her head. "I'll stop with my talk about Nell. Makes me sound like I like her or something." Violet seals her lips afterwards. Wait, so is she not gay or bisexual? Is she straight? Oh I don't know what to do with myself!

Two more weeks have passed and though Violet has technically still kept her promise, her friendship with Nell created and opened up a door of more popularity for her. She still hung out with me and sat with me but every now and then she would casually slip in with the popular crowd. Whenever she did that, it allowed me to have time to think. It made me realize Violet is too good for me. She deserves to be in the popular crowd, not hanging out with some mute boy who can't even be in such social situations. The thought makes me sad but I guess it's true. I have no right to be jealous. Violet isn't even mine. She is not my possession. I do not own her. And I guess people do come and go. I walk home by myself and Violet probably didn't even notice since she's hanging out with her new friends. She hasn't fully abandoned me but I am anticipating the day she will. I mope to my room and put on a record that I haven't shared with Violet because if I play a record that Violet and I have already listened to together, I'll just be flooded with more memories of her and I can't allow that. I have to forget about her. I crank up the volume since the singer is crooning so beautifully. Nothing like a good ol' record with audio of a woman crooning to help you get over someone. I decide not to do my homework and sneak into the basement to grab a glass of wine. I pour myself some of the alcohol beverage and sneak it into my room. My eyes lay onto the white popcorn ceiling as the song fills my ears and the alcohol sinks in to either better or worsen my current condition.

It turns out the alcohol does both but I couldn't care less. All I care about is this empty feeling floating in my stomach and reaching up to my throat. That loneliness is trying to escape my mouth. Or maybe that is vomit from the alcohol that my stomach can't take. I don't know. Either way doesn't make a difference. I think I'm drunk right now. Somberly, I roll over to my side and glance at the calendar and clock. My eyes can't really seem to focus but I can still somewhat see what time it is and what day it is. Nine p.m. February 3, 2016. I roll back onto my back. Wait, wait, WAIT. I roll back to face my calendar and look at the date. I rub my eyes to make sure they aren't deceiving me. The date definitely is February 3. Oh my God. It's February 3. It's been exactly one year. Today's the anniversary. The anniversary I've been awaiting. Rei has been dead for exactly a year.