Flowers for Violet

Chapter 5- What Have I Done?

I shoot up from my bed. Oh no. Oh no. This is bad. This can't be happening. I pace back and forth in the middle of my bedroom. Thoughts and images and memories-- sweet memories-- are tackling at me and overwhelming me. Rei. Oh Rei. How could I have forgotten about you? How could I have forgotten what happened to you? How could I have forgotten you were the whole reason I'm mute? How could I have forgotten time? Oh Rei, please don't be mad if you're up there.

It's been a year since you died in that car crash, right before my eyes. How could I have lost track of everything? Tears begin to form in my eyes and soon they are a never-ending waterfall flowing from my eyes. Today is the anniversary and what do I do? Not only do I forget it's your one year death anniversary but I spend the whole entire day moping around about some girl who I thought I loved when really she was just another passing airplane. A distraction. I sink down the side of my bed and hug my knees as my tears fall down my cheeks. That sadness soon turns into anger and rage. I can't really grasp what I'm angry at but one thing's for sure; I am beyond enraged. I kick around my bookshelves, my desk, my entire CD collection that Violet adores so much, anything in range. I make such a ruckus that I wonder why my parents haven't come up to ask what's going on. I am just about to open the door to leave and look for more things to pour my anger into when she comes in. That's right. Violet enters my room cautiously and wears an expression of concern. She asks reluctantly, "What's going on?" Her voice is shaky and breathy and she is frightened. For a split second, I feel sympathy but if she weren't examining me very meticulously, she wouldn't have noticed. "I've never seen you like thi-"

"GET OUT!" I yell at her. Violet is terrified and I myself am terrified as well. Those were my first words ever spoken in a year. It's strange to hear my own voice. Violet looks as if she was petrified for a moment. Maybe because of my sudden different attitude or maybe because of my first utterance of words in a year. Neither matters to me. She scurries out as though her life depended on it and maybe it did. I'm not really sure about the lengths of my anger. I let out a heaved breath before collapsing onto my bed. What have I done?