𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐢𝐚 ⊰ gmw

s e v e n

  Today was not Mackenzie's day. That much was clear when she arrived late to school due to her mother's car unexpectedly breaking down. It was clear when Lana didn't show up at school due to a cold so Mackenzie had to eat lunch alone. It was clear when she got a C on a test that she was sure she studied for. It was clear when she got yelled at during dance practice due to being distracted. It was clear when her parents were so busy with Riley they didn't even bother to ask her how her day had gone. 

  Today had been so terrible, so unbelievably exhausting that Mackenzie thought it couldn't get any worse. She was proven wrong when she was curled up in the middle of her bed, tears flowing down her cold cheeks and horrible thoughts running through her mind. Recounts of today's events replayed again and again and she couldn't help but feel that everything was her fault. She felt rejected, lonely, scared. She didn't want to be alone, not when she felt like this.

  Mackenzie slowly slid off her bed, her arms wrapping themselves around her as she quietly made her way out of her room. Where could she go? Her parents would probably send her back to bed, tired themselves from work. She didn't want to go to Auggie, the poor boy wouldn't even understand what was going on. Her last option? Riley. 

  As Mackenzie stood in front of her older sister's door, she couldn't help but hesitate. How did she know Riley wouldn't send her away? Dismiss her like so many others had done before? Mackenzie wasn't sure she could handle another rejection today. 

  But her room was so cold and dark and she would be there all alone. 

  That thought was enough to push her to turn the doorknob and walk into the room. 

♡♡♡

  Mackenzie stood beside her sister's bed where Riley was peacefully sleeping. She sniffled before putting her hand on Riley's shoulder and shaking her gently. It wasn't long before her eyes were fluttering open. Riley squinted as she looked up at her.

  "Mackenzie? What's wrong?" She questioned as she sat up slightly.

  "C-Can I sleep with you tonight? Please?" Mackenzie tried hard to keep her voice steady, but it cracked towards the end. Riley stayed silent and only scooted back on her bed, pulling the blanket up so that Mackenzie could slide in under it. Once they were both situated everything was quiet as they laid facing each other. Mackenzie fiddled with the edge of the blanket, sniffling occasionally. She could feel Riley's eyes on her face and couldn't bring herself to look up. 

  "I think this is the first time I've ever seen you cry." Riley's soft voice made Mackenzie pause with her fiddling. She didn't wait for a response, instead, she continued.

  "You never cried when you were a baby. Not once, not even when you were hungry. Until one day when I was playing with my toys in your room while you were in your crib. You started crying and I immediately went to tell mom and dad. By the time we got back to your nursery though, you weren't crying anymore and it was like you never were. I was confused until I noticed that you only cried when it was only me and you. I felt special because my baby sister only allowed herself to be vulnerable around me."

  Riley paused for a moment, gazing off into the distance. Mackenzie was looking at her now, never having known about anything Riley had told her. Riley's lips tugged upward in a small smile as she looked back at Mackenzie.

  "Mom said that I fell in love with you when I held you for the first time. I never wanted to let you go. There were times when I even wanted to feed you, but mom never let me." She giggled softly and a smile made its way onto Mackenzie's face as well before it slowly fell again. 

  "What happened?" 

  "What do you mean?" Riley questioned, her eyebrows furrowing. Mackenzie looked down, her fingers gently pulling on a loose thread on the blanket.

  "You're not like that with me anymore. What happened?"

  "Mackenzie, I never stopped loving you. I just...got older. So many things were changing, my body, my feelings, the way that I saw things. School started becoming more demanding and I was trying hard to keep up." 

  "Well, at least you have mom and dad to help you. You have it easier because they pay the most attention to you."

  "You think I have it easy? It's not easy when your parents expect you to always make the right decision. It's not easy when your friends expect you to always know the answer to every problem that comes up. It's not easy when everyone has so many expectations of you that sometimes you don't even know if who you are is who you really want to be or who everyone else wants you to be." Riley inhaled sharply as she looked down herself, eyes glazed over with a mix of emotions. Mackenzie's eyes were wide as she stared at her sister. Her always happy, seemingly perfect older sister felt this way? 

  "Riley, I didn't know you felt like that. I'm sorry." 

  "It's not your fault. Why are you crying though?" Riley looked back, seeming to have pulled herself back together. Mackenzie shrugged.

  "Bad day," She mumbled. Riley nodded her head, reaching her hand out to stop Mackenzie's fingers from fiddling any longer.

  "The little things hurt right? It's hard when the little things feel like bigs things. Because then big things feel even bigger."

  "Yeah, that's one way to put it," Mackenzie muttered, her hand holding onto Riley's. Her eyes went wide when she found herself being pulled into a warm embrace, her face buried in her sister's chest. 

  "Uh, Riley?" 

  "Sometimes you just need to be held. I find that it helps." 

  Mackenzie remained quiet and merely wrapped her small arms around her sister's waist. Mackenzie found that being held by her sister when she was feeling vulnerable actually did make her feel better. That night she slept better than she ever had before.