I Found Myself, Lost In You

Chapter 3

I blinked a few times and reread the message. It was no illusion, but indeed reality. Even so, I felt as if my eyes were betraying me.

[Kaoru: Hey Ells! It's been a while!!]

Those words were clearly visible on screen. I was surprised, confused and at loss of words, all at once. He was being so casual that I was a hard time believing he hadn't blew up on me. I glanced at the keyboard then at the screen, in search of the right words.

[Me: More like five years.]

I finally managed to send something.
I bit my lip in frustration while waiting for his response.

[Kaoru: Yeah. Where were you all this time? No messages and no phone calls for five years???]

I sighed, disappointed in myself.

[Me: Sorry... It's just my job... And I've got loads of work to carry on my shoulders that I don't really get time to do anything else. You know how tough it can be right? You're an engineer yourself...I bet your job is twice as much as hard as an architect like myself.]

[Kaoru: So this is what I get for leaving you behind? You turn into a typical workaholic.]

He was right, no doubt about it and I made no attempt to deny it.

[Kaoru: So how have you been? How's life?]

I felt relieved when he changed the topic but his next question was even more difficult than his previous one.

[Me: Good I guess.]

[Kaoru: You guess? Why? Something bothering you?]

There it was. Proof that he could still read me like an open book. He was not going to give up until he got the truth out of me.

[Kaoru: Ellie! You still there?!]

His next message broke my train of thoughts and I contemplated on whether to tell him about my true feelings.
What was I going to say? That I'm not okay and sick of my robotic life? I didn't want to throw my problems at him just like I had done so with Dylan. It'll only make him worry and heck! we had finally got in touch with eachother after such a long time.

[Kaoru: Judging by the silent treatment I'm getting... Something is seriously not okay.]

[Me: No! Everything's fine! Perfectly fine :-) ]
I nervously clicked on the send button.

[Kaoru: Ellie I know you're lying.]

Shoot! It didn't work! What am I going to do now?

[Kaoru: Okay then. Be like that for all I care.]

His words stung me. I must've hurt him by giving the impression that I didn't trust him anymore. I didn't want to widen the gap that had already been formed so I made up my mind to tell him.

[Me: kaoru wait!]

[Kaoru: Yeah?]

How should I start? Maybe kaoru could decipher the meaning behind that break Dylan was talking about earlier. Besides no one knew me better than kaoru when we were younger, not even me.