I'm Not Okay: My Chem/Gerard Way

Pinky Promises

-Bea's Pov-

It's been three weeks since I started it again, the guys have been acting really worried around me, like they know what I've been doing and how I feel. I'm actually starting to worry about myself, I don't know whether I'm okay or not. I've spent most of my time in the past four weeks drawing or sitting in the dark whenever I'm not in school, I haven't truly eaten anything within that amount of time either. It's not like I need to anyways. "BEA!" My aunt yells.

"What?!" I yell back.

"Your friend is at the door." I groan and get up. I walk out of my room to see Gerard at the door. "Hi." He greets. "You can come in!" I smile. He walks in and I pour myself some coffee.

"Want some?" I ask. He nods eagerly. I pour a separate cup of coffee then hand it to him. I point to my room and he nods. Whenever he, or anyone else comes over we go to my room. Because, we just do. We walk to my room and leave the door cracked.

"I wanted to talk to you." He asks in a serious tone. "About what..?" I ask nervously.

"I know what you've been doing, Bea... Please stop. ."  He pleads. "I-I can't okay? I can't just stop." I say, knowing he's probably found out about it somehow.

"You can, every time I see you your clothes are baggier and baggier, we can tell your starving yourself." I feel a bit relieved i thought he meant the other thing... "Oh, I can't help that either, I haven't noticed I've been doing it anyways, it just... happened." I say.

"But you can, your so skinny, your not fat, or pudgy, you don't have to be sticklike to be pretty... You're beautiful the way you were and are." He says truthfully. "..What did you think I meant before, Bea?" Should I tell him. Or shouldn't I? What will he think? Will he tell Mikey? Will he tell my aunt?

"Uh- I- I can't tell you, it's nothing anyways." I say trying to avoid telling him. "It is something if you can't tell me."  He says stubbornly.  

"I... I don't know how to put it... You might be mad at me... Or even hate me..." I let out a deep sigh. "Just... Hold on..." I say getting up and going to my closet. I grab the pair of basketball shorts that I never really wear, then walk into my bathroom. I change into the shorts, letting the fabric fall loosely on my thighs. I hesitate, but still walk out of the bathroom.

He just stares at me as I roll up the shorts, exposing all the wounds. My eyes prickle with tears as I purse my lips. He gets up and engulfs me in a bone crushing hug.

"I'd never be mad at you...why did you do this to yourself?" He asks with so much sympathy, it actually sounds like he's going to cry.

"I felt worthless. I didn't think it, I feel it. I can't help its the way I feel. I don't want to feel that way trust me, I want to be happy, but I can't." I says, tears begin springing from my eyes. He just keeps hugging me tighter.

"You're such an amazing person, I wish I could take all of the pain from your life." He sats, nearly crying. "Try to stop... For me." He says.

"For you." He pulls away from the hug, smiling a small smile, then sticks out his pinky finger. I link my pinky with his, verifying a promise.

*A/N: Sorry about how short this is, but, SO MANY FEELS.*