Living In The Shadows

Chapter 6

The video up top is 'What a Catch, Donnie' by Fall Out Boy, I suggest you listen to it, it is one of my favorite songs, and it is one of the many songs I was listening to when writing this chapter, Brendon Urie sining in it is just an added bonus.

Taking a deep breath, I push all irrelevant thoughts to the back of my head as I focus of the beam.

I complete my routine, making few, small mistakes.

Overall, it was a good routine; but it was not perfect.

There is always room for improvement.

Almost perfect, is not good enough for me.

My routines must be perfect, flawless.

If only I could actually be at the gym, imagining it just isn't the same.

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I wander the park, alone.

Kids run with their friends, having fun, living in the moment, not thinking about how quickly things will change, not realizing that before they know it adulthood will be right around the corner.

Teenagers play football, distracting themselves with a game that they can enjoy with their friends.

Adults watch their kids have fun, remember when they were young, missing it, but still, they wouldn't trade parenthood for anything.

At this moment, I stop walking, my body freezes. Tears leave my eyes.

Never have I, or will I, have any of this.

As a kid, I had no friends, I only had a brother; a brother who had friends, and wasn't always there when I needed him. I spent my childhood alone.

Now, I am a teenager. A girl, who still remains friendless. I spend all my free time in a gym. I am traveling the world, living the dream of many. But I hate it. I hate being here. I hate how my parents couldn't care any less about me. I hate being alone, with no one.

I can imagine myself as an adult.

Alone.

My small body, it makes me look so much younger than I am.

That is the reason no one ever talked me.

I never had a relationship, everyone just thought I was a kid.

My hair is white, my body got even smaller as I aged.

I sit alone, no family. No one.

But maybe that is just how things are supposed to be.

Maybe I am not worthy of being loved.

Maybe I deserve to be alone.

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Looking at myself, I feel disgusted.