What If Phan Is Real? (A Phanfiction) (Completed)

Chapter Seventeen - I loved you

Phil's POV

I was sat in the hospital waiting room. A nurse came up to me and lead me to my mum. On our way there I asked a few questions. "How long has she got? Is she ok? What's wrong with her?" I got no answers apart from one, a one word answer. Cancer. I walked in to see my mum hooked up to loads of machines, wires coming from every direction. "Mum?" She opened her eye lids carefully and sent me the weakest smile I had ever seen. "Phil," She whispered as I sat down besides her bed. She reached for my hand and she grabbed it squeezing it tightly. "I love you Phil," I shook my head. "No, don't say that, every time someone says that they die, and you aren't going to die, you are a fighter mum," I looked over at the nurse who's eyes were filling with tears. The nurse left and let me and my mum be alone. "I-I try," Her voice was hoarse, thick. I had never saw her in so much pain, I hated it. "Mum, you will get better ? Wont you?" She looked up at my eyes and we were both full of tears.

"I don't know son, I don't know," She kissed my knuckles and looked back at me. "So, how did things go with you and... what's the boy?" The doctor told me her medication resulted in memory loss. She seemed to remember that I wanted to ask Dan out but the name. "Dan? Everything went perfect, we are together now mum and I need you, I need you to guide me through life," a silent tear ran down mine and her face. "I will sweetie, I will try," I climbed on the bed with her and lay down with her in my arms. "I miss our cuddle times mum," She cuddled into me a bit more and weakly nodded. "Me two, s-sweetie," Her voice became weaker with every word. I stood up and took her into my arms cradling her. "I l-l-love you P-ph-"

A constant beep covered the silence.

She let her eye lids slowly close as doctors came rushing through shoving me out the way. They done everything they could. I stood there, silence, shock, sadness. My life was gone, down the drain. "I'm so sorry Philip, that's all we could do," I nodded walking over to were my mum was lay. "I never got the chance to say it, I love you too mum, rest in peace," I placed a kiss on her forehead and walked out crying my heart out. I ordered a taxi back to my mums house. That place was filled with so many memories, so many good ones, so many bad ones. One of the best moments was when Dan was stopping over, she cooked us a romantic dinner for two, me and Dan took it as a joke but my mum knew my feelings more than I did, she knew I loved him, the way I always used to blush around him. My mum knew that, I loved my mum, I loved her so much.

Cancer's a prick. 

I walked through the front door and was met by Dan standing there. "Oh babe, come here," I wrapped my arms around him crying my eyes out on his shoulder. "Dan, she's gone, I don't have a mum Dan! I want to go, I want to go back to London... now," Dan took my hand and lead us upstairs dragging our suitcases along behind us. I was no longer going to be a bright and bubbly Phil. I could tell.

*2 days of being back in London*

Dan has unpacked our suitcases and I don't think I have moved from this spot on the couch. I miss my mum. More than I expected. I expected my heart to ache for an hour, its a lot longer than an hour. Dan has been going out and getting drunk a lot more, I think that's because of me. I think he's bored. He asks me if he wants to come every night but I just don't feel like it, he doesn't understand but I don't blame him, none of his family members have ever died.

"Hey Phil, you hungry?" I heard Dan ask as he emerges from his room and sits down next to me wrapping an arm around my shoulder but I wont budge, he knows I wont budge. I nod slightly and he stands up walking over to the cupboards. He sighs a little. "Phil, please, come make pancakes with me," Hmm pancakes with Dan, we hadn't had fun in a while, I don't want to have fun, I want to suffer like my mum did. "Please?" I hear him say again and I take in a deep breath. "Suppose," I stand up and feel a bit weird as I haven't stood on my legs in almost 3 days now. "Yay!" Dan says and wraps his arms around my waist. "Baby, I know its a struggle but life will get better, I promise," He kisses my lips and turns around getting the ingredients. "Ok, you make the batter and I will heat the pan," I added the ingredients. I was just about to dip my finger in the mix when Dan grabbed my hand. "No, its got raw eggs in!" I sigh and pour a little of the mix into the hot pan. We spend about an hour trying to make the perfect pancake and it really gets my minds off things.

After we ate them it was around 6pm. "Shit!" I heard Dan shout as he looked at the clock. "What?" He was slipping on his shoes. "I'm late, sorry Phil but bye," I heard the door slam and I was alone... again. I always did wonder where Dan went when he disappeared off somewhere.