The Dilemma.

Can You Feel My Heart.

I walked onto the venue floor and made my way towards the stage, I walked up the steps and into the back area and met Austin. I stepped on my tip toes and kissed him on the cheek. He continued talking to Alan about the last 3 shows and how crazy the fans were. I took out my camera and flipped through the pictures from last night. I looked back up at Austin who was smiling and laughing. I set my camera down and let it hang around my neck and I walked over to Adam who was talking to Alicia.

"Seriously though. What's with your shoes?" Alicia said jokingly and crossed her arms.

"Yeah, Adam. What's with the webbed feet?" I said stepping beside Alicia and mimicked her pose.

"Webbed feet are awesome. I don't know what you're talking about." he said and snapped a picture of us. I smiled and patted Alicia on the back before making my way over to the snack table. I grabbed a cookie and nibbled down on it as I heard the 5 minute warning being announced.

I made my way to the side of the stage where Austin and the rest of the band met up. Austin gave a pep talk and Tino made his way out on stage exciting the crowd as the rest of the band made their way out. They started playing The Depths and the crowd started jumping up and down. The mosh pit started to form and people were singing along. One kid was banging his hands to the beat of the drums on the railing. I watched as the whole band head banged in unison. I snapped a couple of shots and then set my camera back down letting it dangle around my neck once again. I sat back and took the rest of the show off. Allowing myself to relax and have fun with the crew.

The band finished with Second and Sebring while I sat cross legged on the side of the stage. Austin said goodnight to the crowd and walked over to me. He stood over me and smiled, reaching his hands out to grab mine and lift me up from the floor. I took his hands and he pulled me up and kissed me. I released my hands from his and continued to walk with Austin. We made our way out of the venue and to the bus. I looked up at the sky that had a hint of purple but the sun peeking out between the clouds. We continued taking steps towards the bus. No words were spoken between us making the seconds becoming longer and longer. Austin looked at me while finally opening the bus door. He didn't smile, he just looked at me with sadness in his eyes. I stepped on and immediately turned around as he shut the door and took the few steps up to the lounge.

"Sit." he said and pointed to the couch without even making eye contact. I walked over and sat on the couch across from him. He lifted his head up and started twiddling his thumbs while taking a deep breath. "I can't do this anymore." he said as he placed his hands on his knees. I tilted my head and furrowed my brow in confusion.

"Do what?" I asked breaking the over taking silence in the bus.

"Us. This." he motioned between us and opened his mouth to continue. "You need to leave. It's too much for me." he looked up at me piercing my sight with his gaze. My eyes started to water and my hands started to shake. I stood up and looked at him.

"Maybe we can fix this. Maybe you just need a break from me." I said and took a step towards him. He shot up and stepped away from me and towards the bunks. He grabbed my suitcase and started shoving my clothes into it. He made his way into the bathroom and grabbed my make up bag then through it in with my clothes. He zipped up my suitcase then grabbed it a proceeded to walk towards me. He stuck his arm out and I grabbed my suitcase. I looked back up to him with disbelief. "You know what Austin? I can't believe you. After everything between us..." I gritted my teeth and turned around going down the steps before turning back around. "I gave you my heart. I told you I loved you, and this is how you repay me? How pathetic." I opened the door and stepped down. I threw my suitcase to the side and started running.

Tears were now streaming down my face while I ran as far away as I could. I made my way down an ally way and onto a street. I leaned my back  against the wall trying to catch my breath. I slid down putting my hands on top of my head and resting my face into my legs. I let out a scream and continued sobbing.