Tunes Of Betrayal: Temptations Playlist

When A Heart Breaks

"Spencer." My mom peeks in my room. I lift my head to look at her. I don't deserve to speak words right now. "There's breakfast downstairs if you want it." She gives me a sad smile. I nod and she closes my door. I don't deserve to eat.

I sigh as I drop back down on my bed, grabbing my phone off the bed next to me and text Lexy for what seems like the thousandth time. I know I should give her the space she's asking for, that she deserves. I know it's the right thing to do, but I can't help but keep wanting to try.

As I drop my phone back next to me and it buzzes. I snatch it up, thinking it's Lexy but groan and roll my eyes when I see it's Ashley calling. She hasn't stopped calling me and trying to come see me since I hung up on her two days ago.

I can't see her... I don't deserve to see her.

Or talk to her right now.

It isn't right. Not when my best friend is in so much pain.

Not when this is all my fault. I should have fought harder, pushed my feelings aside. I never meant for things to end up like this and now I'm pushing away the one person I want to be closest to the most in this moment.

But like I said, I don't deserve to be so amazingly happy with Ashley when Lexy is hurting.

I dismiss her call and roll over to my stomach.

I didn't get any sleep last night. Not one drop. I haven't slept much the past couple of days actually. Ever since I took that fruit basket over to Lexy's place and she threw it back at me, I think I've realized that it may be over... that my friendship may be finished.

You know that saying that you don't know what you've got until it's gone, well that's how I'm feeling right now.

Sigh.

I really miss Ashley.

Why does life have to be so complicated? Why does fate push you, unrelentingly towards someone it knows you shouldn't want? I tried to not love her, to not want her... it didn't work. If anything it made me want her more.

'You don't get to choose who you connect with.' Andrew's words keep replaying over and over in my head.

I'm trying to use them to make myself feel better but they're making me feel worse.

Before I got here and ruined everything, Lexy had found her connection. Her and Ashley were perfectly happy and I ruined it.

The thought brings me to tears again. I've cried more in this past week then I have in my entire life.

I shouldn't have anymore tears left.

I feel my phone buzz on the bed again and I don't have to look at it to know it's Ashley. I'm not expecting Lexy to ever talk to me again.

I've known her eighteen years and seven months. We've been best friends since we were one. And I don't think she's ever gonna speak to me again. And honestly I deserve that.

I close my eyes tightly, letting the tears escape freely. No point in even wiping them anymore, more will come anyways.

Another knock on my door causes me to sit up and wipe my face. I don't tell the person to come in, but they do anyways.

"No." I shake my head when I see Ashley peek her head into my room.

"Your mom let me in." She whispers as she steps in. I scoot up further to my headboard.

"You should go." I plead in a pathetic tone, the words barely audible.

"Spencer don't push me away, not now." She shakes her head, moving closer to me.