MICHAEL
When I wake up in the morning, Kate is clinging to me so tightly that I can't even move an inch away without waking her. It's not even that I want to move, I just don't want Kate to wake up and regret ever being this close to me. I remember every word that she said last night, and I want so badly for them to be true, but I'm not foolish enough to believe that she'll feel the same in the light of day. Emotions were running high yesterday and I've never seen Kate so burned out.
But right now, with her head on my chest and her arms wrapped around my waist, I can easily trick myself into believing that this is just like any other day. If I close my eyes, my imagination can shift time and space so that we're back in the bedroom in Kate's apartment. "Hi," her quiet voice sounds against my chest, ruining the soft moment that I'd fabricated in my head.
"Hi," I say cautiously. It comes out almost as a question, and I move away from her embrace. She lets me go and leans away as well, sitting up and pulling the comforter around her shoulders. Her eyes flick all around the cold room, resting everywhere but on mine.
"Are—" she clears her throat. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," I answer automatically, still looking at her face in the hopes that she will look at mine. Kate sighs, gathering all of her hair into one hand and sweeping it off her shoulders. She finally makes eye contact with me as she lets it fall down her back. Suddenly, she looks so young.
"Really, Michael?" She asks me skeptically. "Because I wouldn't be."
"Well, we're different people."
"Yeah, I know that." Her tone is cold and I realize that I'm pushing her away when I should be doing everything in my power to hold her close. I drop my guard immediately.
"Can you... can you..." I can't make my lips form the words into a question, so I hold my arms out desperately and give her a pleading look.
Immediately, concern takes over the annoyance on her face and she leans up on her knees, pulling me to her and wrapping her arms around my neck. I hold her tightly in my lap, the weight of last night's events crashing down on me in waves as I shudder through them one by one.
So much was revealed, so many things that are cutting through scar tissue to re-open wounds that healed long ago. Yet the most frightening moment for me was the moment right after we had opened the door and realized that we weren't alone. The thought that I'd unknowingly dragged Kate into a dangerous situation weighs heavily on my conscience, and I don't think that I'll ever be able to forget the fear in her eyes.
We were lucky. Lucky that it was only Ashton and Calum, it could have been so much worse. What would I have done then?
"I'm so sorry," I murmur in to her hair.
"For what?" She whispers in my ear.
"For... everything, you don't deserve any of this."
Kate leans back to look at me, her arms still resting around my neck. "Do you know what I think?" She asks.
My hands grip her waist tightly. "What do you think?"
"You won't ever be free until you stop blaming yourself for things that you have no control over." She leans forward and kisses my cheek gently, resting her forehead on my shoulder.
I wrap my arms around her back and hold her closer to me, thinking about her words carefully before responding. "I think the hardest part of that is deciding what I do and don't have control over."
Kate lifts her head, looking at me again. "Well, for starters, you have no control over me."
I laugh. "Believe me babe, you've made that quite clear."
