KATE
I underestimated Michael; my phone is lighting up with his number before I even check into a hotel. He calls three times and I let it ring and ring, hoping that he’s worried.
Deep down it bothers me that I have to check into a hotel to get away from him… well, I don’t have to. He would leave me alone if I said it and really meant it, but I know that having him so close would impair my ability to really mean it.
Maybe this is an overreaction… it feels more and more like it as I trudge up the hotel stairs with my bag slung over my shoulder. I already partly wish that I had stayed, that Michael was knocking on my door right now so that he could wrap me in his arms and apologize.
But it gets tiring, the same thing over and over. I am brought back to the first night I told Michael that I loved him—I have been going back to that night so often lately. It feels the same at times, with me questioning why, if I am the most important thing to him, does he always hurt me deliberately?
Truthfully, I haven’t given much thought to any form of forever. But I wouldn’t be with Michael now if I didn’t see that as at least an option. So does he mean what he said? Or was he just doing what he always does, saying what he knows will hurt the most?
He is so loving, so gentle most of the time. But in the rare moments that he is not, he is downright cruel. My phone buzzes again and again, and it’s satisfying, imagining Michael so worried.
There is a break in the ringing, and I think that maybe he has finally given up. The next time my phone vibrates, I glance at the screen before hitting ignore. I pull up short; it’s not Michael, it’s Dana.
“Hello?”
“Kate, hey,” she says.
“Hey, what’s up?” I am confused to why she is calling me.
“Oh, I was just calling to make sure that you faxed those papers last week.”
“Which ones?” I ask, completely thrown off. All I do all day is fax papers, and she has never called me at home to check on that.
“Oh, the uh… the ones with the company stuff.”
I sigh. “He asked you to call me, didn’t he?”
“Yeah,” Dana sighs with a small laugh. “Sorry. He’s frantic. He thought maybe you would answer the phone for me.”
“Well he was right,” I sigh.
“Where are you?”
I glance around me, sighing again. “I’m at a hotel.”
“Oh… Are you two… okay?” She asks. I can tell she’s treading lightly.
“Maybe? I don’t know.”
“It must have been pretty bad for you to leave.”
“It was. Well, not so bad. But it’s just… I need space sometimes, and it’s hard when he’s right there all the time.”
“That’s understandable,” Dana agrees. I can see the way that she is shrugging her shoulders, I can picture it almost perfectly. “Would it be okay for me to tell him that you’re alright? I won’t tell him where you are or anything, he’s just… worried about you.”
“Yeah, it’s fine… maybe I should go back,” I concede.
Dana laughs. “Nah, I don’t think you should.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,” she laughs. “Let him sweat it out. He can talk to you tomorrow. Give him the night to think about whatever he did. Relationships are like games, Kate. Not in a bad way. It’s just that sometimes it’s a team effort, and sometimes you have to hold your own for a while. Let him worry. It’s good for him.”
