"I'm- I-" I am desperately scrambling for an excuse, but there are none convincing enough. Calum sighs and closes his laptop, offering me a grim shrug.
Ashton is looking at me with curiosity burning in his hazel eyes. Guilt twists in my stomach; he looks hurt and betrayed. "What's going on?" He murmurs sadly.
"You tell us, man," Calum says, standing from his table and joining us at ours. Ashton stares blankly at him for a few minutes before heaving a deep sigh and burying his face in his hands. Calum and I exchange a confused glance, but I begin to relax. Ashton's reaction could have been a lot worse. He runs his hands over his face and then through his hair, sighing again.
"I don't know," he finally says. The words carry more than their usual weight; he is not saying I don't know as a way to avoid answering or to display confusion about the situation. He is saying I don't know as an acknowledgement that there is something deeper going on here, that he is aware of it, and that he is just as lost as we are.
"Start from the beginning," Calum urges him gently.
"You start from the beginning!" Ashton argues. "What do you want with me? Why am I here?" I can tell that he is starting to feel attacked, so I intervene in what is an attempt to restore calm.
"Ashton," I say earnestly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... ambush you or anything, there's just a lot going on. We have a lot of questions that you might have the answers to." Ashton's eyes find mine and he is still confused and hurt.
"Kate, I... why wouldn't you just ask me?" He says, slightly exasperated.
"We didn't know if you... if we could trust you," I say.
"Can you trust me now?" Ashton asks somewhat bitterly.
"I don't really think we have a choice," I say quietly, because it is true. A somber silence falls over our table as Ashton mulls over my words, trying to catch up to the situation. I jump as the chair next to me is pulled back and a defeated-looking Luke collapses into it.
"You too?" Ashton asks sarcastically. "Well isn't this nice. What's the word you used, Kate? Ambush? Where's Michael?" He looks around theatrically.
"Ashton, I'm sorry," I say desperately. "It's just that we have nothing else to go on. You're our only hope." His eyes lock with mine for a solid ten seconds before he sighs.
"Okay, Kate. Fine. We can talk, but not here." He glances around again, this time without the slightest trace of sarcasm.
"Why not here?" Luke asks skeptically.
"It's too... open. It's like they're watching, don't you feel it?" He asks.
"Who's watching?" Luke asks, completely confused.
"I don't know," Ashton sighs. Luke and Calum both look lost, but I understand what Ashton is saying. I do feel it, that anxious paranoia that someone is watching. Someone is seeing everything, watching every move we make. I nod my head.
"When do you suggest we do this?" Calum asks bluntly. Ashton gives him an appraising look full of judgment and... sass.
"Tonight," Ashton says after shaking his head at Calum. "We can do this tonight, after work. I'm sure Michael would love to join the party," he snorts. Silence falls again and Ashton stands up, glancing at me once more. "Thanks for the lunch invitation," he says. It is bitter and meaningless and I literally flinch away from his harsh tone. "I'll send you an e-mail," he says indifferently to Luke before turning on his heel and walking away.
Calum lets out a low whistle. "That went well," he says sarcastically.
I drop my face into my hands. "Oh my god," I groan. Luke reaches for me, pulling on my wrists to bring my hands away from my face. His touch seems to burn my skin, bringing with it the recent and searing memory of his lips on mine, brief but powerful. I flinch away from him too, and he immediately drops his hands. "What are we going to do?" I ask, to diffuse the immediate awkward tension.
