The Hamilton Charm

Chapter 43

A.N. I don't know if ye know who Stromae but I decided to include one of my favourite songs of his. It is in French though so you might not understand it. Oh ya the video is kind of weird btw hahaha. Enjoy :)! Actually I shouldn't say enjoy because it is about cancer...but you know what I mean.

***********

Dearest Talia,

I'm fucked up...that's all I can say really. I'm fucked up because I've been fucked over too many times. I know it's probably too late now to explain myself but I must otherwise I couldn't live with myself.

I should have known that you'd never do anything to hurt me. I trust you and that's something hard for me to do ever since Alexia. I don't want to use her as an excuse as my actions were in excusable but everything that's wrong with me stems from her.

I wish I could go back to how I was before...before Raoul died. But I can't. I try and get over what she did to me. Every waking moment I thought about her and the hate I had for her until I met you. I started to move on but then she ruined everything once again. All the anger and hate for her suddenly came boiling back up to the surface and it blew up in your face.

I started to think back on everything that happened between me and you and I started to draw similarities between you and Alexia. I jumped to conclusions when I really shouldn't have. I thought that you had been playing me like she had. I was paranoid that it was too good to be true for us.

When you agreed to marry Cassio, it...it destroyed me. And I left because I couldn't see you happy with someone else.

I thought when we reunited that everything was going great and that something would happen between us besides the casual hook-up and then I ruined everything by acting like a jackass. I thought you were leaving me for him again and when you told me the truth I was too far gone to believe you. All my bottled up emotions came flying out. I took everything out on you because I couldn't deal with you being another Alexia.

When I think back on my actions, I realise that I'm fucked up and I don't know how you'd ever want to be with someone like me. You deserve better...but I can't help but love you and hope that there is some way that we can move on from this.

I'm going to give you some space. If you feel like there is any chance you could forgive me, then please reply.

I'm sorry, I really am.

Iver

----------------------

The ink began to run as my tears soaked the page. I wiped them away from my face with my sleeve. I sobbed quietly to myself as I quickly scanned over the letter once again.

I didn't think that these letters would affect me that much. I my only wish was that I had seen these when he first sent them. I had always assumed that he had never tried to contact me. That's where all my hate had really stemmed from at the moment.

I started to forgive him a while ago for his actions that night the more I reflected on it but I could never forgive him for never contacting me and now it seems he had. And instead of him looking like an asshole, I was the one who looked like a heartless bitch to him for never replying for a whole year and then sending them all opened back to him.

I wiped the last of my tears away and grabbed the next couple of letters and read each of them carefully. There was a letter for every month for the last four years. He had stopped after that and there wasn't any more for the last year before we met again.