The Hamilton Charm

Chapter 25

It’s been two weeks since Hamilton left and every day is such a blur. The new boss...god words can’t even describe how boring he is. All he talks about is filing and meetings. I swear they must be his two greatest passions in life. He doesn’t drink coffee and I am shocked about how little he eats for a man so heavy, he must gorge on food when he goes home. So basically the only times I see him is when he summons me to his office, which is never and when we are leaving in the evening. I barely have to do a thing and I shouldn’t be complaining but I can tell you five hours of sitting on your arse doing nothing is very boring. Every single day has been dull and monotonous for me.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I should have been happy that Hamilton left because I could finally be with Cassio. I remember when Hamilton first arrived, I prayed for when he would head off for London and leave us in peace. If he had left earlier than what was scheduled I would have been thrilled but that was in the past. At the moment, I am far from being thrilled.

Cassio has commented on it, he thinks that I’m just stressed about planning a wedding. But I honestly couldn’t give a crap about the wedding right now. Although I still hate Hamilton for the way he treated me...I miss him. I abhor that fact but it is the truth.

I feel disgusted with myself when I think about how I long for something that will never work when I have my happily ever after ending right before me in Cassio. Ever since I said yes to his proposal he has been bouncing off the walls with excitement. I wish that I could let him be my prince charming. Maybe he could have been if I never met Hamilton...but I’ll never know now.

All I do know is that I am a bitch who is someday going to break this wonderful mans heart. He is my security; I’m too selfish to let him go. I want the best of both worlds. I can either go after Hamilton and have my heart stomped on or I stay with Cassio and wonder for the rest of my life what could have been with Hamilton.

Callie wants me to go after Hamilton and find out if he has feelings for me; I just think that she is being absurd. I can’t and I won’t embarrass myself by following him to London. First of all I don’t even know if he has or even had true feelings for me. He never expressed them but then again neither did I. But then that is besides the point. The way I see it is that if he wanted me to be with him then he would have revealed his true feelings. Callie keeps going on about how he is a proud man and he wouldn’t admit to having feelings for me unless he knew that they were reciprocated and I didn’t help convince him by flaunting my engagement in his face.

The only feelings that Hamilton ever expressed for me were anger and lust and the latter probably only came from the fact that I was a challenge for him.

I called my brother Ethan after the whole incident and told him everything. He was ‘proud’ of me for sleeping with someone as high profile as Iver Hamilton. Where is a supportive brother when you need one?

He was under the impression that I should do what makes me happy. His little inspirational speech sounded like something pulled straight from a Disney movie. He also wanted what was best for me and he doesn’t want to see me getting my hopes up and then being crushed by Hamilton. So basically his advice wasn’t of any help.

I was so absorbed in my own life that I didn’t even realise that Ethan had broken up with his boyfriend a couple of days before hand. I felt like crap when I noticed on facebook that his relationship status had changed from ‘in a relationship’ to ‘single’. I was so obsessed with what was going on in my life that I didn’t even bother asking about anyone else.

I called Ethan soon after that; he explained how he and his boyfriend broke up because Ethan wouldn’t introduce him to our family. Ethan didn’t want to have to explain that his dad was a massive homophobic and that Ethan hadn’t even told him that he was gay yet. I had forgotten all about Ethan’s dilemma with dad. I hadn’t cared to ask him how he was doing with the whole situation.