Letters to Hide

Letter 4

Dear Hide,
She killed someone. Touka did.
He deserved it.
Is it bad for me to think like that?
Yes.
No.
Maybe?
I don't know anymore.
He was the one who killed the mom. The mom I wrote about in my last letter.
Oh god I sound terrible.
'He deserved it.'
Who cares if he did?
She still killed him.
She's upset because he had a wedding ring on.
She doesn't deserve to be this upset.
I feel bad for her.
I'm worried.
About everything.
I met a man tonight.
He was trying to kill me.
He had the right, I'm a monster now, aren't I?
I attacked him.
But I didn't kill him.
I broke his weapon with my kagune.
The problem is I'm not in control of my kagune.
Because it isn't really mine.
It's Rize's.
I had to run away when he didn't so I didn't kill him.
I don't want to be a murderer.
Don't make me a murderer.
Please.

With love,
Kaneki