Destinies Intertwined (Mordred/OC Merlin BBC Series) - IN PROGRESS

Chapter 13

It was after this, after I cried into Percival's arms, filled with guilt as I explained why I couldn't be with him, why I couldn't kiss him, that my plan was set in stone. I knew exactly what I would be doing, and I also knew no one else could stop me from doing so. But I also knew better at that point than to be stupid about it. I stayed silent about it until after I was healed, but I knew it was inevitable.

"Ariella," I heard Mordred call as he entered my room. I hadn't been spending much time out and about. It'd been a bit of a journey getting back on my feet well enough to walk, especially after the exertion it went through during my escapade with Percival through the forest and through water. The arrow had damaged muscle, and though I could walk well enough, I had to be careful, take it slow. All the journeying I had done before getting treatment only further increased the damage done, and so it was almost two weeks before I really began to get better. I still had to take it slow, but that wasn't hard. I hadn't felt much like socializing.

"Mordred," I greeted, looking up to him as he walked to where I was sitting on the window sill, looking out.

"What happened?" he asked me gently, slowing to a stop and sitting by my feet. He looked heartbroken. "Ever since you returned, you've been different. Sad, unsociable... You're cutting yourself off from the world, daydreaming and staying almost silent... You've never been like this before..." I didn't know how to answer, so for a time I stayed silent, looking back out the window and biting my lip. Then Mordred took my hand and I looked to see tears of concern in his eyes, ready to spill over. "Please, Ariel... Was it... Was it Elyan? Did you..." He swallowed hard. "Did you love him?"

"No," I admitted, taking a deep breath. "No, I did not love him as anything other than a good friend." I didn't quite understand the look of relief on his face before he looked confused.

"Then what was it you spoke of with him the night before he died?"

"He..." I took a deep breath, looking back out the window to the sky. "He figured us out. Our magic, he figured it out..." Mordred stayed silent. "He promised never to tell, and... he didn't look the least bit scared..." I looked at him to see he was listening intently. "He respected it. Magic, I mean... He talked to me about the offer Gwen and Arthur gave me, about becoming their ward... He had so much faith that they'd accept me..." I looked back out the window again, getting lost in my own world again.

"Is this what has been plaguing your mind?" Mordred asked, his voice hushed, and I shook my head. "Then what is it?"

There was a very long silence before I finally answered.

"I feel... lost," I admitted, my voice almost a whisper. "Everything's just... so... uncertain... I know where my loyalties lie, I know whom I care for, but... I've spent so long focusing on everyone else, everything else... I've been so focused on everything else in the hopes of completing my destiny, that I do not know myself..." I felt tears spill onto my cheeks, and I wiped them away quickly with a finger and looked up to Mordred, who looked confused.

"But... you've always known who you were," Mordred insisted.

"When I was young, I knew what made me happy, and I knew where I needed to end up, but... now that I'm here?" I shook my head. "My destiny says that I must know myself inside and out, and... I just feel so confused... I don't know what I wish to do, or where I wish to go, how to help, I feel... Like I'm in the way, not like I am helping-"

"Ariel, no, that's not true, you've been so helpful with so many things-"

"Like what, writing up reports to tell the King how many men we've lost?" Mordred looked uncertain of what to say, and looked away. "I know I should be doing more, but... I don't even understand my own heart anymore, Mordred... I'm hurting about... so many things I just don't understand..." He squeezed my hand, and he rose his head to look me in the eyes.