New Girl

Never Shed a Tear

I picked up my phone in a hurry and called 911,
"Hello! Hi Um I have an emergency"
I said,
although I am standing over my probably dead mother tears have yet to fall from my eyes.
"what is the emergency?"
asked the lady one the other line.
"My mother cut herself, she's bleeding out, I'm not sure if she's breathing!"
I was walking back and forth, side from side.
5 minutes pass and next thing I know a ambulance pulls up to the house and the paramedics run in.
They see me standing by my moms body, crossed arms, pale face.
The tall red haired male paramedic comes over to check my mom as the shorter blonde female paramedic comes over to talk to me.
"Hello ma'am can you tell me what happened today?"
"um, I got home from school. I heard crying, it took me awhile to find her. once I did she had already stopped crying"
I said stuttering my words,
"ok thank you"
she said putting her hand on my shoulder.
She walked over to the body and helped the other paramedic get my mothers body on the stretcher.
After they got her in the truck I met the paramedic back at the front door of the house.
"We'll take her to the hospital, the back of the truck is ready for you."
I nodded and walked to the truck the male paramedic took my hand and helped me in, after he got in as well and we started driving away. There were many different machines and tubes, wires, attached to my mom. It made me nervous that all these things were attached to a dying woman. A 47 year old dying mother, I was very confused why my mother would do this. I understood my parents had spilt and my mom was upset but why?
Last year in May my parents had spilt up. We lived in the same house as my father for two months after that cause my mom was sure she would win the fight and get to keep the house. My father fought for the house and my mom simply decided she didn't care anymore. We lived in hotels for awhile but then my mom lost her job. we sadly had to leave the beautiful sunny California and move to the cold Toronto Ontario.  I was very upset about moving and didn't quite understand why my parents split. They were happy! They loved each other.

We pulled up to the hospital and we were rushed in. A doctor quickly came up to us and started asking many questions.
"I'm Doctor Milliar, it seems your mother has lost a lot of blood. We will be getting more and giving her a full blood transplant."

"um ok"
I sounded so unsure, but truth is I was. My mom just tried to kill herself.
"we please ask you go to the waiting room and we will have doctors come to update you soon"

I followed the maps on the walls to the waiting room, it was scary being somewhere that was very unfamiliar.
An hour passes and a young looking female doctor comes out of two wooden swinging doors,

"Miss Swan?"
she said loudly
"Yes. um that's me"
I said slowly walking to her.
"You can come with me"
I followed her to a room which just had a table and chairs.
"Ok miss Swan-"
I cut her off
"it's Kennedy"
"Sorry, So Kennedy we are transplanting blood now, but it will take time. Is there any family we can call for you?"

I thought for a little, I didn't know if I should try.
"well, I'm not sure because we just moved here."
I didn't wanna bring it up, but I should.
"Their is someone, we're not close but we could give it a try. Do you have a phone book?"

I knew my mothers mom lives here but I've never met her, I don't even know if she knows I exist. It's worth the shot.
The doctor handed me a phone book for the Toronto area.
I looked for the last name Berkle,
There was at least three Berkle's. I searched for Janet Berkle. Once I found the name and number I picked up my phone and started dialling the number. I slowly put the phone up to my ear as it rang, and rang, and rang. I got no answer, I called again and let it ring. Right before I was about to hang up, someone picked up the line.
"uh hullo?"
said an older woman's voice,
"Hello, Mrs.Berkle?"
I sat up straight and tried to speak in a calm, mature voice.
"This is, how may I help you?"
"Mrs.Berkle do you have a daughter named Andrea Swan?"
I wanted to be slow and calm, I had to be.
"Yes I do? Is this her?"
he voice got higher, she seemed happy,
"No ma'am but I am her daughter, I'm your granddaughter"
the phone went silent, I could only hear her deep breathing.
Did I saw that wrong? did it make any sense?
"I am so sorry, I'm bothering you. Just forget it ignore me"
I said quickly hoping she would just hang up.
"Really!"
she basically screamed,
"ugh yes, I really don't wanna-"
she cut me off and started talking,
"How are you? how old are you? how's your mother?"
"um I'm alr-"
"sorry I'm so rude Hun, what's your name darling?"

"haha it's alright, My names Kennedy and I'm 17 years old. I'm pretty good but the reason I'm calling is my mother has had an accident. We are at the Toronto hospital, close by. They won't let me go without family, would you mind?"
There was silence, again. What if she says no, what if she doesn't want to meet me or see my mother after how many years they haven't been together.
"hello?"
I say in a questioning voice wondering if she is still at the phone.
"Ugh ya, um give me 25 minutes, I'll be there"

"oh thank you!"

we hung up and I waited. I kept thinking to myself,
is she really going to come. Would she even talk to me, want me. It's not like she would have to take me to her home and care for me, she could just drop me off that home.
More than an hour past and the doctor had came to give me many updates saying my mom was doing good and not rejecting the blood. I completely gave up on waiting for my "grandmother" if that's what I would even call her. Growing up I didn't know about anyone on my moms side, It wasn't till recently I found out that here in Toronto is where my mom was born and raised and that her family lives here.
Another hour past and still no show of this so called "grandmother".
That's it no more waiting, I'm going to be alone all by myself. No family to hold me tight, my moms probably going to dye, if not now she'll just try to do it herself... again. Although I'm alone there's still no tear.