Big Brother Barakat (Jalex)

Elastic Heart (Alex's POV)

Days had passed before I even thought of looking at the phone. It had buzzed only a few times since Jack had given it to me, but I wasn't ready to talk to him, or anyone for that matter. I knew he understood, but I felt bad for ignoring him. But in the days that had passed, I had a lot of time to think about things. I twirled the phone around in my fingers almost absentmindedly. Part of me wanted to look at the messages on it, but the other half of me knew better. I knew that Jack wasn't anything special, that he would just leave me like everyone else. He'd leave after his church trip was over and go straight back to America, leaving me in the dust just like everyone else.

I wasn't ready to trust him.

I wasn't ready to trust anyone.

At this point, I knew I needed to clear my head. I put on my plain black sweatshirt and put the phone in the back pocket. I ducked out of my foster home and began walking towards the city. It was only a few blocks away, but with a foggy conscience, it felt longer. Once I had arrived, I ignored the hustle and bustle of everyone on the sidewalks, almost bumping into a few people here and there. I'd hear them shout at me, but I didn't raise my head or even acknowledge the fact that they were talking to me; I just kept walking. Where I was going, well I didn't really know. I just kept walking wherever my feet took me.

"Alex!" I heard a familiar voice.

I refused to look up. I stared at my feet that had noticeably began to walk faster without even thinking about it. I heard footsteps behind me, and they were getting closer and faster. I jumped at the feeling of a hand on my shoulder, and without thinking, even though I knew who it was, I used all my strength again and pushed Jack up against the brick wall of a building. Passersby glared, but didn't ask. 

My eyes looked him over; they looked over his calm expression again, and I began to wonder if he was even human. He was always so calm whenever I threatened him like this, and I never understood why. As my eyes locked with his, I fought the feeling of tears again. I so desperately wanted to trust Jack, but I wouldn't allow myself to do so.

I made a small noise, wanting so desperately to speak, then let go of his jacket. I began walking down the sidewalk again, and I heard Jack begin to follow me again. He grabbed ahold of my sweatshirt and pulled me the other way down the sidewalk. I didn't question him or try to get away, as much as I wanted to. I just focused on not letting my emotions get the best of me. 

Before I knew it, Jack and I were in the lobby of what I assumed was the hostel he was staying in with his other churchmates. Jack led me into the elevator and pressed the third floor button. The cold air had gotten to me, and I sniffled in the quiet elevator, wiping my nose with my sweatshirt sleeve, surely giving Jack the impression that I was crying. I heard him sigh, but I ignored him, still not lifting my head.

We got off the elevator, and he led me down the hallway. He opened the door to a room he said he shared with four other people. It was quiet, empty, and cold. No one else was in the room, except the two of us. Jack took his jacket off and threw it on the top bed of a bunk bed. I stayed by the door, keeping my sweatshirt on, still not picking my head up.

My head snapped up only slightly when I heard Jack pat the bed beside him for me to sit down on. I was hesitant, but I sat down next to him, keeping distance between us. Nothing was said for what seemed like hours, but was surely only a few minutes. Emotions began to flood my head again, making me unable to ignore them this time. And, before I knew it, hot tears were making their way down my cheeks. I still hadn't really looked up, but it wasn't hard to miss the small droplets of water that stained my pants. I got up from the bed, walking to the other end of the room, not allowing Jack to see me or my emotions. I refused to turn around, even after Jack had asked me what was wrong or if I needed to talk.

"You don't get it!" I shouted, finding my voice. "You'll never get it! I can't trust you! I can't talk to you!" I screamed, finally turning and facing him as tears still made their way down my cheeks. "I can't trust anyone! I've been through too much shit in my life to be able to talk to anyone! I don't think you get that, Jack! This whole thing was a fucking mistake; take the damn phone back!" I said, digging the phone out of my pocket and throwing it at his feet. "I can't do this!" I yelled, nearly face to face with Jack, even though he was still sitting calmly on the bed. "Fucking answer me! Talk to me! Say something!" I said, becoming irritated with his calm expression.

He didn't say anything, he didn't even open his mouth. He simply sat there, taking in everything that I had practically screamed at him. My eyes analyzed him, reading his body language, but I still couldn't see through him. I opened my mouth again, wanting to scream at him again, but little came out. I closed my mouth, attempting to choke back sobs that were dying to come out. Before I could open my mouth again or even think about controlling my emotions, they all came out. Without even thinking, I had sat right next to Jack and began crying into shoulder. I felt his arms around me, and I felt him rub my back.

I wanted so desperately to push him away, to tell him to stop touching me, but at this point, I had given up on trying to push him away. Deep down, I knew I needed him, but I didn't want to face that. I stayed there in Jack's arms for at least ten minutes while he comforted me and told me to take my time with things. I hadn't ever come across someone who seemed as caring as Jack did, and frankly it scared me more than anything ever had.

"Y-You don't ge-get it Jack," I cried as I gripped his shirt in my fist. "I-I can't trust y-you."

"Why can't you?"

"P-People have always l-left me, people that I-I trusted. I-I can't go through the same thing w-with yo-you, Jack. You'll b-be just like the others a-and leave. I-I can't go through that a-again," I cried. 

"Alex, look at me," Jack said, lifting my head up. "I won't leave you. I'll always be with you. Sure, I may have to go back to the US when the trip is over, but Alex, I hope that you'll trust me enough by the end of this trip to know that that doesn't mean goodbye forever," Jack explained. "I will always be your shoulder to lean on if you ever need it. I won't leave you, Alex. Do you trust me?"

Things were quiet for a few minutes after that. I was still in his arms, I was still gripping his shirt. His arms were still around me, and he was still rubbing my back. I had sniffled here and there, but my crying had subsided for the most part.

"I trust you."