~By the Lion's Mane: The Call~

Chapter Four

Chapter Four

One night I was in the tack room, sitting on my cot cleaning a harness. I heard someone approach and I looked up to see Ben.

"Hello," I greeted him.

He smiled and walked in.

"Hi. I thought you might want some help," he gestured to the pile of leather in the floor that I was cleaning. I tossed him a sponge and he dipped it into the soapy water.

We were quiet for awhile, just the scrubbing of the sponges and the squeak of leather. I finished the harness, and stood to hang it back on the wall. As I reached up to place it on the rack, I jabbed my hand on a nail sticking out of the wall.

I winced and said, "Ow!"

Ben jumped up.

"Are you ok?" he asked as a crimson bead of blood rolled off my hand. I stuck it in my mouth and nodded.

"Let me see," he said.

I put my hand out for him to look at. He ran his work-calloused fingers over my palm, and pulled out a cloth. He wrapped it around my palm, and tied it tightly.

"There. That's better." I nodded and said thanks. He looked at me with those chocolate eyes.

Before I could really comprehend what was happening, he leaned forward and kissed me. My eyes widened in surprise, but then fluttered closed without me meaning them to. His lips were soft and gentle, and he tasted like cinnamon. He put his hand on the back of my neck, tilting my head up to him. My heart thudded. I kissed him back. His mouth opened, and mine did too. He pressed closer to me, and I leaned against the wall. My brain was foggy.

But with a start, I realized what I was doing. I was kissing a boy eleven years younger than me, and who wasn't Edmund. I jerked away suddenly, breaking off the kiss. He pushed a stray piece of hair behind my ear, and leaned his forehead against mine. I wiggled out from under him, backing away quickly to stand in the doorway. My face was hot, and I was breathing hard, my heart still thudding. Shocked and somewhat disgusted with myself and how easily I had let that happen, I blew out through my mouth and ran my fingers through my hair.

"Rose..." Ben said. I turned and looked at him.

"I'm sorry, Ben, but I... I can't..." I sighed and went and sat on the cot, not sure what to tell him. Certainly not the truth. But what would I say to him?

Ben stood where I'd left him, his brow furrowing in confusion. "What can't you do?" he asked.

I ran my fingers through my hair again, looking at the ceiling. "I can't... be with you... like that."

"Why not?" he asked softly, his shaggy hair falling into his eyes a bit.

I looked at him finally, feeling sorry for him and ashamed of myself. "There's... someone else, someone I've known a long time."

He looked at the ground, digging the toe of his boot into the straw. "And you love him," he stated flatly.

I nodded silently, letting him draw his own conclusions.

"Well, where is he then? Why aren't you with him?" he asked.

I looked at the ground too. "I don't know where he is. And I suppose because... well, he doesn't know I love him, and I'm not sure he loves me back." This turned out to be the wrong thing to say.

Ben glared at me, his soft brown eyes hardening. "He doesn't love you back? And yet you're going to search all over England with the childish hope that he just might realize he does after all?"

I frowned, suddenly mad. Who was he to judge my decisions, especially when he didn't know the whole story? But what hurt the most was that he was right.

"I don't see why it has anything to do with you," I snapped at him.

"Doesn't have anything to do with me? You have something to do with me! You've been living with me and my family for the last month, and led me to believe that you liked me! When really it was all just a lie, all you really wanted was a place to stay and eat our food, reaping the benefits of our labor like a leech! And somehow, I managed to be blind to all of this and fall in love with you!"

I was silenced, shocked and stung. I felt tears pricking at my eyes, and a tightness around my temples I got when I was on the verge of crying, along with a lump in my throat. I stood, quietly putting all of my belongings back into my oiled bag, pulling on my shoes. I walked out into the barn, unlatching the stall door to let Andy out.

Ben had followed me out and asked, "What are you doing?"

I turned to him. "I certainly never intended to 'lead you on,' but if that's how you see things, then I think it would be best for me to leave, before I cause you anymore hurt and encroach on your hospitality any longer." I swung up onto my unicorn's broad back and he started trotting down the aisle to the door, but halted just before leaving. "Please thank your parents for me, and tell them I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye in person."

Ben started jogging after me, calling, "Wait, Rose! I didn't mean it! You don't have to leave, I'm sorry!"

I pulled Andy to a stop again and looked at him.

I had a decision to make. I could forgive Benjamin and go back inside to the warm, safe barn to keep eating good meals every day. He... he would keep feeling for me, and eventually, I might would give in. Maybe I could grow up (again) and... marry Ben, and help him run the farm and have lots of children to keep us company and to help us. It would be comfortable, easy, certain.

But Ben wasn't Edmund, and Edmund was somewhere in England. I didn't think I could ever love Benjamin the way I did Edmund, and it wouldn't be fair to either of us for me to settle for him. And if I ever hoped to return to Narnia, I had to trust Aslan and find my family.

"I'm sorry Ben," I whispered. I bent down and kissed him on the cheek. "It's time for me to go anyway, and you're right. I don't belong here. Goodbye." And then I squeezed Anduril's flanks ever so slightly, and he was off at a canter into the night.

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In the days that followed, I became more anxious to find Peter, Lucy, Susan, and Edmund. They were from Finchley, I knew that much, and they went to boarding schools during the school year. But I had no idea where Finchley was, or how to get there.

But I had to find a way.

(A/N: Sorry for the major suckitude of this chapter. :P I was kind of stuck, and needed to get things rolling again. Next will be better, I'm hoping.

Please review! :) )