Once Mine

29. Demands

If you could go back and change just one thing about your life, would you? And if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that change ultimately break your heart? Or break the heart of another? Would you choose an entirely different path? Or would you change just one thing? Just one moment. One moment that you always wanted back.

One tree hill

"I had HCM since I was sixteen, Hyan."

I found myself walking inside the City Aquarium with Abelardo. Hindi ko alam kung paano kami napunta sa ganitong lugar pero habang nag-uusap kaming dalawa kanina sa restaurant ay bigla na lang niyang sinabi na maglakad daw kami. And as we walk, para bang muli kong nakikilala si Abelardo.

"You had? You mean you're healed? They fixed you?"

"The doctors did. They operated on me. They fixed my illness but they can never repair the pain in my heart -that pain I had when I took you back."

My cheeks blushed. How can he do that to me? He's making me feel uncomfortable - but uncomfortably good. I cleared my throat.

"Mas maganda na mas maagang nadetect ang sakit niya." Sabi pa ni Abel. "Mas maaga siyang gagaling." Muli na naman niyang hinawakan ang kamay ko. I felt things I thought I had forgotten. "It's just a heart disease, Hyan."

Ikinapagtataka koi yon. How can he say something like that? Bigla akong natigilan.

"You had HCM? They fixed you? You were sixteen?" Paulit-ulit kong tanong. "You didn't tell me?"

Hindi siya sumagot. He just stopped walking. Nakipagtitigan siya sa mga isda sa malaking aquarium na iyon.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Abel froze. He faced me and to my surprise, there was a grin on his face. It seemed like he was thinking of the right things to say. Alam na niya ang sasabihin pero hindi niya lang alam kung paano ito sasabihin.

I couldn't believe how blinded I had become. We lived together for a long time and I didn't even realize that he was suffering from something. How blinded was I?

"It didn't matter. Mula naman noon, alam kong gagaling na ako. Sabi ko nga, sakit lang iyon sa puso, maliit na bagay lang iyon. Kaya alam kong gagaling din ang anak natin." He smiled at me.

That phrase he used - anak natin - sent shiver to my spine. I smiled at him. Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko. Napalunok naman ako. Hindi pwedeng ganito ako at nanghihina tuwing hahawakan niya ako. Kailangan kong rendahan. Hindi ko naman alam kung anong mangyayari sa amin. Hanggang ngayon, nasa isipan ko na para lang ito kau Louis. I want him to meet Louis. I want to see them together.

Lumaki si Louis na ang kinikilalang ama ay si Hyron. Iyon din ang dahilan kung bakit ganoon na lang ang bond ng kakambal ko sa anak ko. I'm thankful with Hyron, dahil sa kanya may katuwang ako sa pagpapalaki sa anak ko. He treated Louis as his own and for that, I am really grateful.

"Hyan, kalabisan ba kung nanaisin kong makilala ang anak ko?"

I was caught off guard. I feel like it's too soon.

"Abel, pag-iisipan ko muna ha. This is all too soon." Malumanay na wika ko. Natigilan si Abel. Kitang-kita kong ang pagtitiim ng mga bagang niya. Bigla ay naalala ko ang hitsura ni Hyron noong nabanggit ko si Lualhati. Parang ganoon si Abelardo ngayon. Tila galit siya.

Napalunok ako nang balingan niya ako. Galit ang ekspresyon ng kanyang mukha.

"Hindi pa ba sapat ang tatlong taong wala ako sa buhay niya para pag-isipan mo pa ang mga bagay-bagay? Hindi kaya masyadong unfair na iyon. Hyan?" Tiim ang mga bagang niya habang nagsasalita. Galit si Abel. Hindi ko na kailangan tanungin kung galit ba siya dahil galit nga siya. Nasa mukha niya iyon. Nakadama ako ng takot.