Unsteady (Phan)

Chapter Four: Destruction

Monday, June 11th 2016

Phil unlocked the door to his flat, the air inside was cold and unwelcoming. It had been over a week since he last heard from Dan. Overall, staying away from the flat, keeping himself busy, and not talking to Dan- although unwillingly, he did send him a couple texts the first day before giving up, not wanting to disturb their honeymoon- made it easier on Phil to better compose himself. He wasn't sure when Dan and Alisa were coming back, they never stated how long they would honeymoon for, but at least now Phil didn't want to cry each time he though about Dan coming back and moving. 

Yes, the pain was still there. He felt it lingering in his chest like a phantom thought in the back of his mind. He took extra notice to this as he walked past Dan's bedroom and brought his things back into his room. But it was bearable, it was something he could handle this time and he wasn't going to let it consume him. Louise helped him a lot, her constant positivity and reassurance got the better of Phil and he couldn't help but to admit how right she was that keeping himself busy would help heal him.

It wasn't like his feelings for Dan just vanished- Phil knew he would have to put extra time and effort into getting over those feelings and that night in Manchester. But he was coming to terms with facing the fact that Dan was found love and happiness elsewhere. He was also coming to terms with knowing that himself and Dan would always be friends- as Louise pointed out to him many times over the last week. He was coming to terms with realizing Dan wasn't dying and Phil didn't need to mourn as if he was. Dan is alive. Dan is well. Dan is happy.

Dan is turning 25 today.

Phil gasped- he had nearly forgot. Thank god it was only noon, meaning it was still early in LA. He picked up his phone and nearly called, thought better of it, and sent a text instead. He didn't expect a response, but he didn't want to ignore the fact that it was Dan's birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANNY BOY! CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE 25 WHAT THE HECK WHERE DID THE TIME GO?

 Phil sent the message and caught himself waiting for a reply. He tossed his phone on his bed and started unpacking his things. He put everything back in its proper place, and he opened his laptop and started uploading the collab he finished editing last night. He threw out a quick tweet, left his laptop on his bed and threw his dirty clothes all in a pile. (It was really getting high now, and he made a note to do laundry soon.)

Leaving his video to upload, Phil jumped in the shower, got out and brushed his teeth, and went back to his room. He dried off his hair with a towel, not bothering with the hair dryer this time as he slid on his pajama pants and a t-shirt. He didn't have anything else to do today, so why bother with proper clothing? Phil picked his phone back up and sent a text to Louise letting her know he got home safe and everything was okay.

His heart did a funny flip at the absence of messages when he unlocked the screen.

Not letting this get to him, Phil grabbed his laptop and sat on his bed, laying it on his lap. He opened Tumblr in a separate tab but ended up scrolling through the comments that were accumulating on his new video. He ignored the negative ones, focusing on the positive ones and smiling to himself. Most people were excited that he collabed with Louise, others were slightly disappointed that it wasn't a collab with Dan. Other than that, everything seemed okay and he seemed to give most the phandom nostalgia by making another interactive video.

Phil stretched his back, his stomach grumbling. Louise fixed him a cup of coffee before he left this morning- knowing how he is when he doesn't have it- but he refused to let her cook for him, too. She had already been such a big help, he didn't need her slaving to make him food, too. Pancakes sounded delicious for this morning, but they reminded him more of Dan which is what he wanted to avoid for now. Instead, he got up and went to the kitchen to fix some poached eggs, secretly hoping that Dan would have pancakes for breakfast since it was his birthday. He ate his eggs while re watching Jurassic World for the millionth time, not noticing that he ended up lounging within Dan's sofa crease as he did so.