Unsteady (Phan)

Chapter Seven: Lucy

Friday, August 5th 2016

Phil lifted up the shot glass and drained the Vodka that was in it. He winced at the burning sensation as it traveled down his esophagus, his mouth screaming with what he imagined rubbing alcohol would taste like. He set the glass down and slide it towards the bartender with a little flick of his finger. (The first time he did that the glass slide to the floor and shattered, but he was used to the motion now.) The bartender refilled his glass and passed it back to him, Phil giving him a polite but half-hearted smile as he picked the glass up and held it to his lips.

Phil had spent days calling every hospital he could find online. Pj was right, those in the area that the disaster had struck all had their lines down. The further he got from the area though, the more gradually he got responses. Each answer that Phil got he asked the same thing, soon falling into a routine of what needed to be said.

"Have you had any emergencies come in from the disaster in Western California?"

If the answer was no, then he moved on, thanking them for their time and typing the name of the hospital down in a text document with the word 'no' next to it to identify that the place was answering calls, but weren't receiving any patients.

If they answered yes, however...

"Do you have any records of someone under the name Dan or Daniel James Howell?"

It had taken him over a week to call all of the hospitals in the state, and those closest to California in adjoining states. Still, Phil came up empty handed. By the time he had finished that he had started up drinking. He would spend the day online, searching for any names of survivors that he could find, begging to see the familiar name listed. By dusk, Phil was here at the pub, drinking any given liquor and not being particular. He didn't care what he was drinking, as long as it washed away any feeling he had and made him numb. The last few days, Phil was in here first thing in the morning, at the flat for a couple hours, and back here by dusk.

Phil downed the shot glass, setting it down on the table and closing his eyes against the wave of nausea he got. He had never been a heavy drinker. Even when Dan and himself would go to parties and drink in the past, Phil didn't like to get very wasted. He hardly got wasted, actually. Now he wasn't sure if that was because he knew he needed to take care of Dan when he was shitfaced or if it was because of a personal preference. Phil was usually the one to drag Dan home, take his shirt off and tuck him into his bed.

Flinching at the memories, Phil pushed the shot glass to the bartender again for a refill.

"Think you've had enough today, buddy?" He asked as he poured Phil another glass. Phil answered by downing that one and asking for another. "Don't go trying to drive home tonight." He poured Phil another glass. Phil had lost count after ten shots, and he played with the edge of the glass, staring into the clear, toxic liquid.

He was at loss as to what to do anymore. It had been over a month since Phil had last seen Dan- the most he had been without him since 2009. On top of that, the haunting thought of how close October was creeping up to him taunted him in the back of his mind. Was he going to be able to successfully say that Dan and himself had been best friends for seven years? Or was that put on permanent hold, time frozen on the day Dan turned 25?

Phil shook his head, he felt himself sway when he did so and had to grip his stomach to settle the motion sickness. He couldn't think like that. Dan was alive, he just...

He just what? Surely if he was alive he would have found a way to contact Phil, wouldn't he have?

Phil tipped the shot glass and drained the liquid, not flinching this time as it burned his throat and washed away the terrible thoughts arising in his mind. He glanced up at the clock above the bar, and although his vision was going back and forth between showing him one, then two, clocks, he could still tell that it was nearly midnight. Phil set the glass down, debating if he should have another one and if he could make it outside to find an uber to drive him to the flat.