Writing the message to him. I was terrified. But this is what I wrote to him in exact words...
"I'm falling in love with you. well I know I am, and I feel like you're the type of person who listens to what people have to say first before you saying anything. Otherwise I wouldn't be saying anything. I've overthought so much about how you might react, that I have been drowning myself out that I've just decided to tell you.
I've talked with so many people about if I should tell you or If I should keep it to myself. Everyone has been telling me to tell you but I've kept it in because I've been scared. crazy right? you're one of my best friends and I don't want anything bad to happen which is why I haven't said anything for one reason. Another reason is I told myself that I can't live with regrets, if I don't tell you I'll probably live with regret for not telling you. I know you've gone on dates and stuff, and i didn't want to tell you again for that reason, because I didn't want to have my feelings in the way of your life especially if you don't feel the same way because I know that's a definite possibility. Another thing is the age difference and how you're in New Jersey. I talked to Danielle about the age difference and she said age is just a number and thats also what i think but still it's also hard for my parents, because I haven't told them how if feel. I usually don't because they're high on having old fashion standards and I like that but sometimes it bugs me. I understand that there's a possibility that feelings aren't mutual and I'm fine with that I just needed to get how I feel off my chest. I also talked to Braden. I talked to him because him and you are really good friends and I just wanted to make sure he wouldn't be mad that I have feelings for one of his best friends and he doesn't care so I guess that's a good thing? I've just kept my feelings in for many months and I've prayed about what to do, and its been on my heart to the point where I realized I needed to tell you.
I don't want my feelings to get in the way of our friendship because I'm not that girl that's going to sacrifice friendship for feelings especially when the other person, is at a good point in their life. I hope you're not mad, it just kind of happened, and you can't really stop loving someone, but I enjoy being your friend, you're one of my best friends and I'm glad. So I just thought I'd tell you. (I wasn't planning on it but, here it is. haha) and sending this is really hard for me because once my feelings are out there I can't take them back and I can't control them and that's when I have to hand it over to God.
oh and I also want you to know, all my advice I've given you about girls and stuff, that was all about being your friend I didn't get my feelings involved with that, I just want you to know that too. okay. I think I'm done, there's so much more that I could say, but I feel like it's good how it is right now. alright. I think I'm done now."
I sent it. Hoped for the best. He read it. And there I waited anxiously for 27 hours before his response....
