The next day at school as soon as i saw him and i went back to my old routine and ducked my head put my hoodie on and zoned out the world with my songs of sadness that i used before i had met Kevin. Ugh even his name brings a sharp pain through me. It feels like my heart has been stabbed with a knife, then sliced up into little bitty pieces and thrown into the garbage to finish it off.
By the time i am done putting myself he has noticed me. He is walking over to me. and all i do i'd duck my head down as far as i can and cover my face up with my books and pray to god that he doesn't notice me. But he noticed me anyways.
"Hey Angel, whatcha doing?" oh you know just hating your guts and hoping that you would just go away... "Nothing...." "Well is it okay if i come over after school today?" no you can't come over because i have to catch up on curling up in a ball and crying. "I don't care." Then he gave me a hug -a hug that i didn't enjoy so i didn't hug back- and walked off to his next class.
After school i was hoping i could get a head start and hope he would just forget. then i felt a hand grab my shoulder and i swung. He looked so shocked when he said," What the heck was that??" oh you know just my defence mechanism that i have to use a lot actually. "I'm sorry," i said," It's a habit." Then for some reason he started to smile. "Okay it's cool."
We were only walking for a few minutes when he stopped," What's wrong?" you mean the fact that we haven't talked about how you shoved me back the last time we were hanging out. "Nothing..." " tell me i thought we told each other everything..." That made me so mad,"YOU PUSHED ME KEVIN AND YOU THINK THAT YOU CAN JUST ACT LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED!?!"
He just looked down like he was ashamed or something. We walked a few minutes in silence then he looked up at me. He put his hands on my arms and looked me right in the eyes," Remember that time i had a few bruises on my arm..?" "Yeah... you told me that you slipped while walking to school.." He looked down again for a split second," I lied Angel, im sorry i didnt mean to, it's just i didn't want to tell you that.... that.... that i didn't fall i .... um....im being... abused." I felt so betrayed but the sadness and sympathy for him ruled over.
All i did was put my arm around him and tell him it was okay. Then he started to cry so i let him we stood there in the middle of the road while i let the only person that i care about in this whole world cry on my shoulder. We stood there for a good 5 minutes, then he dried up got his stuff and walked all the way to my house hand in hand. When we got into the door he went up to my bedroom and cuddled up on the bed.
It was just like this weekend, that perfect day where all we had to do was lay there in silence with his protective arm around me. Except this time felt different like it was mandatory, like it was him making it up to me. But i let him play with my hair and rub his fingers on my arms and legs. It felt nice but not like natural.
When he said he had to go he kissed the top of my head and grabbed his stuff and before he walked out of my door he said," I love you..." And i couldn't help but say it back,"Love you too." I knew that this couldn't go on just cuddling on the bed i wanted it to be natural, not forced. But i knew this wouldn't help his situation.
The next day at school i saw him and he came up to me and just kissed me in front of the whole school without any hesitation. I was about to push off but then i realized this was what i was wanting this wasn't forced didnt feel mandatory, it felt right, natural. Then something pulled him off i knew it wasn't him backing off because he do something like that. When i opened my eyes i saw the principles pulling us off each other.
